What day is it?!

Okay, so it's....uh....Friday?!

I started my gratitude challenge on Wednesday and didn't get to continue on Thursday. Heh.
This is how I commit.

Well, I'm going to double-up tonight.  I just got home from Bible study and I'm watching Frequency (good movie) with my foster family (;-P).  I'm also supposed to be doing 20 sit-ups, 20 toe touches, and 20 bicycles before I go to bed (my abs hurt just thinking about it).

So DAY 2 (should have been yesterday):

Use the alphabet as a fun and quick format for making a list of things for which you feel grateful. Share this list with your social network through email, a blog post or a Facebook or MySpace page.

I'm not sure how many things I am supposed to list...but here goes...

A: 
B: Brianna.  My second baby.  My good eater who will not starve to death, even if there was nothing but rocks to eat.  This girl is almost like my twin, but way more awesome and loving than I am.  She sacrifices for her siblings and even her parents.
C: Chocolate.  'Nuff said.
D: Divorce.  I know.  God hates it and so do I, but my divorce from my ex-husband has given way to tremendous growth.  I've learned only by God's grace to see myself as He sees me (as best I can) through the promises in His Word and by the work He's done through Jesus Christ.  I no longer crave the approval of the people around me, I've developed a voice, and I've discovered that I'm a precious jewel to Him.  I've also divorced myself and am made new in Christ Jesus.
E: Extended family.  My in-laws (or ex-in-laws?) are some really cool people.  I'm thankful to have become part of the family and that they still like me.  They have been a big part in the lives of my children.  I love them.
F: Fellowship.  I'm thankful for the friends and extended family that God has placed in my life.  I have grown immensely because of the encouragement and the fellowship.
G: Gardening.  I've not have some big crops, but I would love to keep at it with growing my own food.  Gardening brings about some good metaphors about life, too. Wheat and tare.
H: 
I: 
J: Jesus Christ.  He is the reason alone I can keep going.  When I tell people why I'm a Christian, I can't help but tell them that it's because when you compare all the gods out there and all the "great people," none compare to Jesus.  He is the only all-powerful being who would come down and walk more than a mile in my shoes, then take my death sentence so that I can be made pure and blameless.
K: 
L: The Lock-Mess family.  I don't know another group of people with such heart.  God has placed these people at the right time, it seems, in my life.  I have been so strengthened by them and feel that they are truly my family, too.
M:
N:
O:
P: Parents.  I'm thankful for my father and mother.  They didn't always do everything right (who does?), but they always did what they could and they are still going strong today.
Q:
R: Ryan Nathaniel.  Given the middle name Nathaniel because it means "gift of God,"  I will never forget the circumstances of his coming into the world.  In the midst of sorrow and confusion, God has shown mercy on me and blessed me with Ryan.
S:
T: Terri.  I'm totally thankful for my first baby.  Terri's personality is a bit different from mine, but she is my heart.  She demonstrates a strong desire to do more and to do it all well.  I look forward to continuing to nurture her.
U: Umbrellas.  I've come to appreciate the umbrella.  Now that I've gone natural, I sometimes straighten my hair.  When I do that, moisture is not my friend.
V:
W: the Word.  Without it, I couldn't know about Jesus.
X:
Y: Yarn.  So versatile.  I've learned to crochet, then started learning to knit (haven't yet gotten the hang of it), and I learned some other uses for yarn, that just make life so interesting.
Z: Zemma.  I'm not really thankful for this woman, but I'm thankful for the education I've received through my interactions with her.  I've grown to be a fighter.  I've learned that I will not back down when it comes to my children. I think in time, I will be truly thankful for her (and perhaps more gracious toward her), as I'm continuing to grow in my understanding of God's plan (which graciously includes our stupid mistakes).

Okay...I can't really think of any more with the remaining letters, but I'm realizing that I've got more to be thankful for than I thought.

Okay...onto...

DAY 3
Write about something you feel grateful for in your life today.

I'm thankful that I made it to Bible study tonight ^_^.  It's the little things...I know...

Well, that concludes the gratitude challenge activities for today (and yesterday).  If you are still reading, even after I posted so much, thanks.  I don't know why you keep reading my rantings, but thank you.  Tomorrow, I have a meeting in the morning, then Skype with the kiddos in the afternoon/evening.  Sunday, I've got an all-day affair with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.  Monday, I'm taking off work to head to the courthouse and file my response to Mike's petition for child support.  Yes, he is still trying to get me to pay him child support (this time, he may actually be in financial need).  I'm trying to be thankful for this, too, if you can imagine.  I'm not really in a position to maintain a home here (let alone, send money down there).  However, every decision I've made up to this point has been with my kiddos in mind.  I'm trying to find other sources of income so I can really provide for them...but...I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not really the provider (God, of course is).  

I can't wait to see what He does next!

The Gratitude Challenge

I was nominated by my sister-in-law, Kathy, on September 9th.  I finally remembered that I was committed to do this!

Over 30 days later, today I will start my 21-day challenge!

I'm looking to add some lifelong habits to my life.  I want to make a conscious change in my perspective.  I've been feeling like I don't have much to be happy or thankful for.  I know this is a straight up lie, because my God is God and He rules over my life.  Because of Him, I've made it through so much.

I think this challenging my gratitude will help me to focus more on the blessings that come through storms, tears, and pain.  I know that I'm being refined through the hardships, but I forget.  I keep forgetting that I am never forsaken or forgotten.  That everything works for the greater good.  I know the darkness of night comes before the morning light.  But I'm forgetful.  I'm just as bad as the apostles (who walked with Jesus, yet still struggled with unbelief at times) or worse sometimes.

I will also be starting the 4-week Before Amen prayer challenge (I'm waiting for my e-book to arrive in my email as I speak!).  There are several things I can see going horribly wrong in my life right now in my walk with Jesus.  I need to pray more. What kind of relationship can I say I have with God if I don't talk to Him daily?

So, in my efforts to saturate myself in His Word and communicate more with Him:

* Chronological Bible in a year reading plan: I've never read the entire Bible.  I should do this at least a few times in my life, right?  I'm about halfway through it now.
* 4-week Before Amen prayer challenge: To jump-start my prayer life and build my communication to God.  I can be awkward communicating with people, I should not be awkward communicating with God.
* The Gratitude Challenge: 21 days to focus on what's good, in spite of what's bad.
* 30 Days of Adoration: This will actually be done in the future with my children.  It's a free printable devotional.  I will take a look at it myself before I go at it with my babies.

I intend to get started here with these things and grow...

No matter how busy life gets.  However crazy it seems, I must make the time to devote to God.

Too Blessed to be Stressed

You know those memes, bumper stickers, t-shirts, etc. that say "too blessed to be stressed"?

Well, I hate them.

...and yet at the same time, they're not so bad.

I mean, think about it.  Where do we get to thinking that because we have blessings, we don't have stress?  I mean, come on!  Even the best vacation requires a lot of planning and attention to small details so that you can ensure your luggage doesn't end up in another location and you actually arrive at the right hotel.

What exactly is stress?  It's emotional strain that stems from demanding circumstances.  Basically, it could be anything.  It could even be something that you don't realize is happening to you.  I was diagnosed with panic attacks a few years ago.  I didn't even realize that I was under stress.  Boy, did my body know all too well!  It was then that I actually started to take a look at my life.  I saw where I had come from, what I was doing, and where I was going.  I realized that I really did have a lot on my plate!  It wasn't until I was made aware of what was going on, that I could properly deal.

Some stress is self-made.  Some stress is not.  But what about the blessings?  Do they counter the stress?  Well, maybe...

What is a blessing?  A blessing is God's providence.  He provides our needs (not us).  He sees to it that things happen, according to His plan, for our good.  That doesn't mean that we'll never face trials or feel pain.  Sometimes, we need those things.  They help to shape and grow us closer to Him.  Think about it.  If everything you did went right, would you learn anything?  I don't think so.  It's interesting how we learn when we make mistakes.  We tend to pay more attention to details when we risk getting hurt or screwing up a project big time.

Not Home Yet

Something we don't like to do as human beings is roam for too long.

Even the most vagabond-ish person, would like to have something stable and comfortable.  We all long for home.  I hate to break it to ya, but you're not home yet.

I just moved this past weekend from my house of 4 1/2 years to stay with a friend and her family.  You know all the complaints I've been doing about being able to afford my rent (in public housing, believe it or not) and save money.  A good friend of mine offered for me to stay with her, so that I could save money for a little while and get back out there again.

I've experienced a range of emotions in the last month.  I was distressed that my rent had spiked and I could no longer afford it.  Trust me, if there was any more cutting back I could do...I would have.  I have been operating on the bare minimum (with a couple very small unnecessaries).  The idea of moving from my supposed stable, government-funded home for that of uncertain future possibilities scares the crap out of me.

Did I really have to pack up a three-bedroom home and move into a room in someone else's home?  What about all the stuff that I've accumulated over the years?  It is true, that I started out with nothing. I've been working hard, and whatnot, but that really isn't the point.

The point is that this earth is not our final destination.  We're just passing through.  The pains joys of moving is one of those reminders that we will be given a home that we don't have to build.  You also can't forget that you're not in control anyway.

Trust me, if there is anyone that knows about control...it would be me.

Seriously.  Every time I think I've got this great plan...you know...the one that will finally work out.  Something changes.  Making me realize that no matter the plans I have for myself, I can't plan anything better than God.  It's true!

Death and the Dying

So morbid...I know, but death is a part of life.

It seems that things need to die to give way to fresh, new life.  It doesn't seem like it ever at first, but when we get past the pain of the loss, we can take notice of good things.

I die every time I say goodbye to my kiddos.  Every. Time.  It kills me to be away from them.  It's not right and not natural for it to be this way.  I break down.  I cry.  I don't eat.  I eat too much.  I have trouble sleeping.  I get urges to spend money I don't have.  But...I can't let myself go like that!  I still have to get up and do what it takes to take care of myself and them when they come back.  It is when I get out of wallowing and self-pity (and realize that God's got everything in His hands, under His control, for His glory), I can see the blessings.

I have the ability to work harder than ever to provide a better life for them.  I have more time to really study God's Word, so that I can relay it to them and answer their questions.  I am being built up.  Becoming better than I was so that I can be better for them.  I learned so much about myself, my ex-husband, and the world around me.  I still hate it, but I can see how much stronger I am for them now than I ever was.

I experienced the death of my relationship this weekend.  I was in a relationship for a year and was hoping to move forward toward marriage.  That hope was killed just Friday.  I would have to say for the first time, I found a man of integrity.  I have renewed hope that there really are good guys out there (so I don't have to worry as much when my daughters are old enough to look for husbands).  It wasn't a bad breakup, but a breakup isn't my idea of a good thing, either.  I have unanswered questions.  I have things I would like to say.  However, I can't stay there.

I will probably be mourning for a little while, but I'm trying to keep in mind that everything happens for a reason.  Perhaps what I was hoping for was not what I needed.  Rather than speculate how I ruined the relationship or what he could have done differently, I need to keep my focus on the fact that everything is in God's timing, under His plan.

I don't know how many times I have stated that I'm constantly reminded that I'm not in control.  No matter the plans I make for myself, God always thwarts them and puts something else in place.  It kills me every time!  I guess you could say, I'm always dying....

But the more I die to myself, the better.  I don't really like the process, but I totally appreciate the outcome.  We are called to take up our crosses and follow Jesus.  That means we are letting go of everything we hold dear.  Everything.  Not saying you should just break it off with everyone in your life, get rid of all your stuff, commit suicide....  I'm saying that we cannot rely on anything of this world.  We cannot put our trust in treasures that will rust and decay.  We are to store up treasures in Heaven.

Your life is but a vapor.  It'll be over before you know it. How you spend your afterlife is determined by what you loved in this life. In order to truly live, you have to die.  Deny yourself and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ.  He will keep you in perfect peace.

Fall Out of the Gap

Hey.

So that time frame between April and August, I usually disappear then reappear with some excitement and some "new direction", right?

Well...not this time!  Ha!  Actually, I was just noticing that I tend to take long hiatuses (is that a word?!) due to my clones' visitation.  We had an awesome summer.  We had such good times. I didn't want it to end.  I never do.  No matter how many times we have to do it, it's always a devastation sensation for me to say goodbye to them.  I know it's not really a goodbye.  It's more of a see you soon.  However, it really just tears me up.

I am doing this now that I'm out of the fun gap of awesome times with my kiddos. I've been invited to do a 5k.  Now if you know me...you know I don't run.  I'll play sports that require running and whatnot, but I just don't get up and say, "hey, I think I will run with nowhere in particular to go for a long period of time."  That just seems pointless to me.  However, I've been doing just that.  I have less than a month to go from couch to 5k (there is an app for that...but I'm not using it).  I don't think I'll be able to run the whole of it by then, but I'll be able to run a good bit of it, so I will definitely be able to finish it in under 2 hours (^_^).  It should also be fun.  It's the Electric Run.  The end of this month.  Good luck to me!

I seem to be at another crossroads with my housing situation.  After my rent was jacked up a few months ago, I decided it was time to move.  I found a cheap rental and then they lowered my rent.  So, I decided to stay.  Well, it seems they jacked it up again.  Only this time, I don't have any affordable options to look at.  A good friend did offer a place to stay for a few months, but I'm not sure if that will be more helpful in my current situation.  I'll have to think pretty hard (but not too long as the offer is good till December).

In the meantime, I do have some projects that I want to get underway.  I have to clean my whole house (the norm after the kiddos return to Florida).  I'll be getting back into crocheting and knitting (hopefully) very soon.  I can't wait to make a pair of socks.  And I'll also be looking into some extra-curricular financial ops to help pay off my debts faster.

Perhaps next time, I'll talk a bit about some of them.

In the meantime, check this out:

 I found a pair of these puppies at the thrift store!  That's right!  Doing a sport of any kind will get expensive.  You need good quality gear to minimize injury and maximize comfort and ability.  Running is no different.  Good quality shoes can run you over $100.  Decent ones at least $50.  Special needs won't help your situation.  I've got flat feet, so I knew that I needed to find something with good arch support.  I decided to go to the thrift store (because I'm poor).  I don't see spending more than $20 on anything.  I'm also a big-foot.  I wear size 11 in women's.  After not finding any tennis shoes in my size, I decided to check the men's shoes out.  I knew they wouldn't be cute...but I needed something that would work well.

These were the best looking shoes in the right size.  $12.99 (much better than $60).  After doing some research, I found out they are unisex and they've got raving reviews (even from flat-footed folks).  This was truly a miracle.  And I'm so thankful for them.

I'm going to run now (pun intended).  I actually can't wait to get back to the track (unusual for me).  Have you decided to do something that just isn't you?  Have you recognized a miracle in your life lately?

Until next time...!

Lunacy Averted?

There has been a lot happening over these last months and I do apologize for not posting as things progress, digress, regress, congress...etcetera-gress.

I'm increasingly excited and fearful as I continue my quest to get off of government assistance altogether and pay off my debts. I will not return to school to finish my degree until I have paid off my student loan debt (or down enough) so that I can go back debt-free.  I believe that God honors our desires to live free and not as slaves to money.  I have finally realized what it's like to serve money.  Not that I've been excited and desiring riches, but making poor financial decisions  in addition to choosing to pay off bills and credit debt before paying my tithes has caused me great distress and has trapped me.

I've also discovered (long time ago...kinda rediscovering now) that in order to get out of public housing, I need to do something drastic.  I mean drastic. Like hit the lottery.  Find a million dollars.  Marry a rich man.  You get the picture?  Small increases in income seem to spike my rent.  There is such a fine line between "help" and "no help" and I've seen it in a number of situations (not just in my own life).  For example: if you make $10,000 per year, you qualify for assistance.  If you make $10,001 per year, you don't.  Understand?  This is the very reason I have been so strapped for money.  There is no savings.  There is no budget for groceries.  There is also no true transition into independence.

My rent is currently double what it was 2 years ago when I made a little bit more money.  I cannot afford my rent today.  Why such a great change?  Well, my kids are no longer on my lease...and apparently I was getting about a 50% discount including allowances for paying for childcare.  Had I kept them on my lease, not only would I be able to afford my rent, but I would also have my debts paid off and some saving built.  I would also be in the running for public assistance fraud charges.  Well, if I can't keep them on my lease, would I get some help during the long stretch of time when they are here (for the summer)?  No.  Why, because they are not on my lease.  Well, isn't that dandy?!  I have nothing leftover as it is with rent and other bills at the end of the month, but I'm also not able to pay for childcare, which means if I can't find someone to watch them for free, I would have to take off work...

Don't get me wrong.  I've never come from the perspective that I'm owed anything, especially from the government.  But doesn't it make sense that if you're offering to "help" someone that I truly helps them?  I'm thankful for having a home of our own, in great times of need.  However, I have had more struggle being here than if I were elsewhere.  So what now?

I'm trying to move out!  I have to get out of here.  Save money.  Pay off debt.  I could even get a second job without the risk of my rent spiking again.  Where do I go?  I'm already paying below-market value in rent.  What could be cheaper?  Especially in this area?  A good budgeting practice is to spend no more than 30% of your income on rent/mortgage.  In areas of a high cost of living, up to 60% is apparently allowable.  This is why I think that people especially in these areas are living above their means.  In order for me to manage a 3-bedroom rental for $2000, I need to be making at least $80,000 per year (keeping with the 30% rule.  80,000 x .30 = 24,000 per year.  Divide by 12 months, you get 2,000 per month).

Since I'm not yet that close to the six-figure income, I will have to figure out how to reduce my rent and other bills.  I could live in my car.  A box near a park bench in the city. Or I could find a cheaper home.  I've done a lot of searching. Praying. Inquiring. More praying.  More searching.  I've found quite a few listings on Craigslist, hot pads, USAA, Realtor.com....and many others.  I've emailed several owners and got a few responses.  Out of all the listings I've scoured, I was responded to by 4.  Only one was legit.  The others were scammers, trying to obtain private information and/or money from me.  And yes, I have reported them. :)  It's really hard to find something that is waaaay less than $1,000 per month (for a studio even).  But I found one and got to see the house with the realtor on Saturday.

I'm currently waiting to hear from this realtor after they check my references, background, employment verification, etc.  Before deciding to apply, not only did I consider the rent amount (that was the first thing), but I looked at how far I would be willing to travel for work, whether or not there would be enough room for when the kids are here with me (at least 2 bedrooms would be nice), who would watch them and how would I get them there, and whether or not I would actually be saving money in this new home.  This home does have 2 bedrooms and a nearly finished attic (which could be a 3rd room).

I have had many questions and doubts about this home.  Let's list them and the solutions that have come up.

• Problem: It's an hour away, so gas would cost me almost double I'm paying now per month.
• Solution: There is a commuter bus that costs me less than what I pay for gas now and there is free parking.  Also, it doesn't take longer than if I drove myself.

• Problem: It's even further from church
• Solution: I would have saved enough money to cover gas for weekly church services.  Also, Friday night Bible study can be dialed into.

• Problem: Not close to friends/church family for help with sitting.
• Solution: Close enough to one family of friends who would be able to watch the kids when they are here. They are on the way to work and live not to far from my boss...we we can carpool when the kids are here.

• Problem: The house is smaller than the one I live in now.
• Solution: Less money goes to utilities.  I can get rid of unnecessary things that I've been hoarding protecting from the elements.

There are more.  But this list is long enough...I'll be able to actually start saving. I can't say how many times I've been afraid to venture off toward growth and independence.  Hence, staying in a job that was killing me (until I got fired).  Waiting until I'm in financial distress to get out and do something different.  Afraid to move out of my house because the world is cruel place.  The definition of lunacy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  I don't want to be a lunatic.

What Was Done

Christmas Eve this year contained some new experiences.  My kids hadn't come yet and I spent an entire night doing what seemed like defending myself...just to name a couple...

During this season, I reflect on the amazing gift that no other god would give to its people.  Jesus Christ is God, yet He chose to be born just like you and me, so that He could live out life (in our shoes), to show us how to live, and be murdered by us (and conquering death for us).  There is no other that would do what He did.  You can read all about His humble beginnings in Luke 2...keep reading through, you'll get through the rest of His life on earth, leading up to His death on the cross.  Answers In Genesis has a wonderful article about Christmas.

You want to know how to love?  Look at Jesus.  He sat with sinners and lepers.  The very people who were not righteous and were constantly reminded of their hopelessness and depravity.  He came to build a relationship with them and to give them a hope (that's not just a hope, but a promise of righteousness).  He died for them. He died for me.

I am a hopeless sinner.  I'm constantly reminded of my sins (both those long past and those more recent). Obviously, I have a track record of wrongdoings, but God made a way for me to live in peace.

I have been attacked regarding my transgressions and even told that there has been no change in me because of how recent some of those transgressions happened.  I'm sure you can relate to what it feels like to already have a guilt you carry.  I'm also sure you know what it feels like to have someone constantly throwing in your face what a screw up you are.  Pair those two together and you have a dangerous concoction that can really tear you down.

I've apologized and have been working on restoring soured relationships to no avail.  I cannot rely on the approval of man.  Those who have wronged me have fallen away.  Those I have wronged have fallen away...except for One (the One that really matters when all is said and done).  I don't need others to forgive me.  I need to forgive others and I need the forgiveness of God Himself.

What was done, was done and I can't change any of it.  I can't keep punishing myself for it when Jesus has forgiven it.  I cannot forget, because it is a reminder (a testimony) to the hope He's given to someone as hopeless as me.

You and I have to focus on what was done.  The gift that God has given. He paid the price for us, so that we can be restored.  We will have constant reminders of who the world thinks you are, but we have to continually remind ourselves of who God says we are. I have a post about shame from earlier this year.

Please reflect on the hope that has been given during this Christmas.  We celebrate, not for the feast, not for the time with family, but because it's personal. A gift you can count on.  What was done once will carry you through every part of your life.

Without Love, Where Would You Be?

I had a conversation recently with quite a few people about christianity. What makes it so wonderful? Why would I want my life run by a selfish God who gets all the credit for good things that happen? What if it's all a lie?
Well I'll tell you.
Before I do, I've got a question for you. Can you name one religion out of ALL the religions where the god would lay down his life for a bunch of ungrateful, sinful people?
It's ok I'll give you a few minutes to think about it...
Give up? Figured it out?
Yeah, there is only one. Christianity.  Call it what you want, fairytale, false hope, whatever. How many people do you know who will not only pardon a guilty convict on death row, but die in their place? I don't know anyone, and there are a lot of amazing people out there, but no one would do what God Himself did for me.
Every other religion calls you to do good things, or be punished. I know what you're thinking. "Well doesn't God want us to do good things, or He'll send us to hell?" He wants us to do good, but what you do has no bearing on the free gift of salvation. Remember, He died in my place, while I was still sinful and ungrateful. A gift is not something you earn. You just accept it.
What about the Ten Commandments? What about them? Have you been able to keep ALL of them perfectly? No worries, no one has. And there is no sin worse than another in God's eyes. If you break one, you're guilty of all of them (that includes whether you did it, talked about doing it, or even thought about doing it). No one can live up to such perfection.
If you think that's demanding, think about how Jesus sums up the law. He said to "...love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets." (Matthew 22:37-40 nkjv).
Bottom line is love, my friend. I certainly wouldn't take a punishment someone else deserves...and I call myself a loving, caring person, right?!  God can ask of us to love because He personally demonstrated how it's done.
And thinking about how selfish God must be because He gets all the glory. Well, nope not selfish at all. When you can create a universe out of nothing, live a 100% blameless life, eradicate the sins of others (without their approval or desire for it), and stick to all your promises, then you can get all the glory.
As for me, I would gladly give my life to Him because He deserves it and I do not. I try to do good, not because it's my guarantee into Heaven, but because I'm grateful to an all-powerful God who certainly didn't have to save me. I can only know how to love because He first loved me.
When you get that understanding (not just understanding, but belief), everything else will fall into place. Trust me on that. You won't know everything there is to know, but you'll be able to walk in confidence and grow beautifully.
If you have questions, want to know more, or want to debate, I don't mind really (actually, I don't like debating or arguing...but we can talk about our differences), feel free to contact me. My email address is ardentgailla@gmail.com. I would love to talk more about Jesus and His awesomeness.

In Other News...

Well, you know that last post I did...about being still and not fighting so hard for a job...trying to find purpose in life and not just remain busy?!

Yes, this one...

Well, I have a job now. My temp agency found a long-term position with the Dept of General Services.  It's a county government facility and could become permanent.  God really does hear and answer prayer.  If you haven't read my previous reflection...I decided to stop fighting so hard for a solution to my woes.  I realized that I'm very controlling when it comes to my life and that perhaps I've been struggling so much because of that.

I have changed the way I pray.  Instead of just asking God what it is I want, I have to remind myself that it's not about what I want.  It's about what God wants for me.  I want to want the same things that He wants for me as He sees fit in my life.  He knows I want to take care of my family.  That I don't need an extravagant income to do that.  I'm pretty sure that being in debt is not what He wants for any of us.  I want to be able to pay off my debts and stay current in my bills, be able to afford my basic needs (food, shelter, clothing), the ability to save (and give to others in need), and of course a few luxuries (like video games and Facebook).  I try to ask that whatever God wants to happen happens and that I am obedient to His will...not mine.

I also applied for an administrative position with the school system.  It was suggested to me that I work for the schools so that I will have my weekends off (church on Sunday!) and the holidays will more likely coincide with my kids' holidays (including the summer off and snow days!).  However, an administrative job is not likely to have all those luxuries.  I may still have to work during the summer (but everything else is good). If I'm going to go for a job with the schools that will give me summers off, too, I'll have to look at teaching.  All I have to do to get my foot in the door is pass the Praxis exam and become a paraeducator.  I'm pretty sure if I were to take the Praxis right now, I could pass it, but I want to make sure that it's what I should be doing, not just what I want do.

Not only have I gotten a new job (yay), but I've become active again with my Thirty-One business.  I'm at risk of becoming inactive with Avon (no orders in the last couple of months), and I've closed my Melaleuca business (on the account that I can't afford it right now).  I'm beginning to think that perhaps I should just stick with the one (Thirty-One) in the face of all these inconveniences (if I may use that word in this situation).

Thirty-One required the largest amount to start up ($99), but requires the least amount of effort to maintain.  I only have to do $200 in business every three months (and that can easily be done with just 1 party).  Melaleuca required that I order at least 35 points of product every month (which was at least $60 before taxes and shipping).  While I enjoy the products, I cannot afford to spend nearly $100 every month like that.  I have to do what works for right now, right?  Avon required the least amount to get started (only $10), but I have to purchase catalogs every 2 weeks (while not expensive, this does add up and still doesn't guarantee sales).  I would have to constantly be "working", distributing the books everywhere I go and passing out my business cards.  Avon seems to require the greatest amount of effort with the least return for me.

I fully understand that in everything, each person has a different experience.  Many people get started in Avon and they skyrocket instantly.  Some people work tirelessly and get nowhere.  Can't say that I've worked tirelessly, but I haven't just sat around either.  I have no hard feelings for neither Melaleuca nor Avon.

Thirty-One was founded by a Christian woman (and named after the Bible passage, Proverbs 31, regarding the virtuous woman).  I was very impressed after just hearing that.  I always want to be a part of something(s) that answer to a higher calling.  Businesses and friendships that keep God front and center.  I'm not a money-hungry person either.  I don't get overly excited about incentives for iPads and trips to Hawaii, or a bonus check.  I guess I'm trying to say that maybe these other businesses are not working out for a reason.  Maybe they weren't meant for me?

I've spent a lot of money to keep them up and running...and here I am without them up and running!  I think for now, I'll keep it simple and only focus on one business at a time.  Thirty-One, for now.  I do love the bags, too.  I can't say that I love Avon or Melaleuca as much.  I like how Avon has something for every budget, but I rarely buy the products for myself because, well, I'm cheap.  Either I have something like it already, or I don't wear it, or I like to purchase it somewhere else (cheaper)...lol!  Melaleuca has great products that are safe and all-natural, but I can't always afford them.  While Thirty-One doesn't sell products that need to be regularly replenished, I think that I could do alright if I can do 1 or 2 parties every few months.  I also actually use the bags on a regular basis!  So book a party!  And tell your friends to do the same!  One party every 3 months is all I'm asking!

I can't wait to see how things will play out.  I don't always enjoy changes, but when you think about it, nothing is ever the same as it was when you started it.  Life is an adventure.  Each day, that adventure begins again.

Busy-ness, Much Needed Thought, and Stuff

Well! I've been busy! Have a lot going on right now.  My latest project?!

That's right, cleaning house! My parents came up here recently from Texas to clean out their storage units. There was a lot of stuff from years past that just sat for some years now. Things that we forgot about. Things we couldn't wait to get back to. My parents' time here was very short...and very physical. They were hoping to get everything out, whether they load it up and drive it to Texas or chuck it. As you can see, I received a good bit of it, but not nearly enough to really relieve my parents.

Long story short, they will have to come back up here to sort out the last bit.

I've been contemplating on stuff. There is such an abundance of stuff. I moved into my house 3 years ago with almost nothing, and now I'm needing to regularly get rid of stuff so it doesn't overflow!  It's not even like I bought everything, either!  Most of what I have was given to me or I found it.  Some of it was bought from the thrift store or on sale somewhere.

I've also been thinking about how attached to our stuff we get, even if we haven't used it or seen it in years. As I went through the boxes with my parents, I was reminded of my youthful days (yes they seem so long ago!). It was also a reminder to me for our constant need to clean. If we don't keep up with our housework, our homes could get so gross to the point of being uninhabitable.

Funny how this correlates with our hearts and our spirits. We get so wound up in things that end up clouding our vision and making it hard to remember the goal. I can't tell you how many times I set my mind to do something, only to have something(s) get in the way and I lose my direction.  This could be why I never finished school?!  If we don't continue to clean house, we will become extremely busy and without true purpose.  Hence, the last 5 years of my life...

Something else happened to me recently to make me ponder things I should have thought about before.  I lost my job on Saturday.  Never have I been fired from a job until this year.  I got fired twice in the same year!  When I do things, I DO things!!!  Nevertheless, this has hit me pretty hard.  I'm feeling useless and like a big loser.  Maybe I am?  But, thank God, I'm able to think about things differently.  Maybe that could mean some growth?

Every time something major happens, it happens around the time my kids are coming to visit.  I've been praying for a good job that allows me to have the time I need with them, allows me to make it to church on Sundays, and will allow me to keep my bills current and pay off my debts.  Would be even better if I could just receive money and just do what I want to do!  I don't need a job, I have plenty of things to do...I just need money to get out of debt and buy food!

If I get a new job now, I wouldn't have enough time to save up for a sitter (or request time off) when my kids come for Thanksgiving.  If I remain income-less...well, I would rather not think about it!  This has been the pattern of things, since getting separated (and eventually divorced) from my husband.  I feel like I'm always 3 steps behind and when I feel like I'm making progress, doors slam in my face (now I'll never be a teen model!).

Also made me think about a devotional I read not too long ago.  The author talked about how her life was great and how close a relationship she had with God.  How she was able to hear Him clearly regarding the plans for her life.  She stayed in communication with Him and she was trusting in Him.  Then one day, her world came crashing down.  What happened?  She came to the point to realize that she wasn't obeying God's plan for her...she was obeying what she instilled as God's plan, but it was really her own.

I do that a lot, I've come to realize.  I feel like something is going to be such a great idea and benefit myself and my kiddos, only to later learn otherwise (when it implodes/explodes/crashes/insert other destructive word here). Maybe a job is not what I'm supposed to do right now.  Maybe I need to just wait a little longer for the right one to come along (stop fighting so hard for it). I don't know which is true or if there is another answer.

I force myself try (effortlessly?! not buying that?  ok...) to see the positive in things.  Like...well...I can actually work on a plan to finish school...I could go on mission trips...I have more time to help people...I could maybe focus on unconventional ways to sustain myself and not compromise my faith or family....  Whatever it is, I'm doing what I can to just be still, for once.  Not easy for me.  I am apparently a control freak.  Don't quote me on that!

I will stick with my direct-selling businesses for now and maybe go ahead and start that accessory business I've been thinking about for a long time.  Or even get back into selling cheesecakes.  As I've said before, I have plenty of things to do!  I just need to know what I should be doing!  Heaven help the poor man that marries me (if I get married again)!

How shameful!

Guilt. Shame. Regret. Worthlessness.  Uselessness.  Unfit. Pathetic. Miserable. I could go on.  These are thoughts and feelings that we've all had.  It's hard to keep positive when we've made so many mistakes in this life.  Also, when we know there are more to come.

I subscribe to Encouragement for Today from Proverbs 31 Ministries.  It's a good jump off point for daily Bible reading, and a nice pic me up during the day.  A lot of the devotions have something to do with marriage (I'm no longer married...), but today's really hit me.  It was titled "Imprisoned by Shame."  I can't tell you the amount of self-worthlessness I've struggled with for most of my life.  I also can't tell you that I don't struggle with it now...I can't tell how ashamed of myself I have been or for how long.  Whether it be nervous to step out into public or feeling guilty for falling into behaviors I knew were wrong, my life has not been without this dejected feeling.  I would encourage you to read this devotion for yourself. You can do that here. Really made my day, I had to talk about it!

God reminds us that we can still hold our heads high.  It's not within ourselves that we can find this comfort...it's in Jesus.  He talks about it all over the Bible!

Hope:

Deuteronomy 31:6 New King James Version (NKJV)

6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

Freedom:
Galatians 5:1 New King James Version (NKJV)
5 Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.

Love:

John 3:16 New King James Version (NKJV)

16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

These are just some of the wonders of seeing yourself how God sees you.  I have to remind myself that no matter how I bad I think I am (and I'm sure I can be pretty bad...don't comment on that!), God still wants to be close to me and works with me to overcome all.  Man!  I can't tell you how fired up I get, thinking about that!

I have this blog because I'm in a place I don't really want to be (and I know I'm not alone).  I'm poor.  I live in public housing and have relied on the government for medical care and food for my family.  I'm doing everything that I can to budget, save, get out of debt, and get off of assistance (and not feel like a total loser).  I realize that I won't be here forever, but I also realize that we are all publicly assisted (whether we want to admit it or not).

This life was meant to be lived with others.  Giving and sharing, as well as needing and receiving.  I can be prideful and I don't like tell people when I need help.  I don't like to ask.  It gets so bad that I don't always go to God and ask for help.  I'll keep others in my heart, prayers, and on my mind, but I can handle myself, right?!

The answer is NO!  What a fooling thing, thinking I have the power to fix myself!  If you struggle with shame, please know that you're not alone.  Know that there are people around you that want to be let in to live your life with you.  If nothing else, I care about you and God cares.  You can always contact me if you don't have anyone to talk to you.  Better than me, you've got God who is not only walking beside you in your struggle, He's available to talk to (24-7), and He is the author of your life, after all. 

Matthew West's "Hello, My Name Is" is a song that really just tears me up.  It's a great reminder!

You might not be able to watch it here on my page, but click the link to see not only the story behind the song, but to see the video on YouTube. ^_^

Baby Steps

Good evening!  There has been a lot going on.  I've been so busy trying to figure things out, I forgot to blog along the way!

Well, it's only been a couple of weeks since my last post.  ;)

I was at a crossroads!  Do I take the Hertz job?  Do I keep rolling with Sykes?  I decided to stick with Sykes.  I weighed the pros and cons of both and decided that right now, I'm better off with the at-home job.  I started my training last week and I'm actually pretty excited.

Yesterday, though....I got an email from the United States Postal Service for a job interview.  I'm not knocking how some places do their interviewing, but why not check with the person before you make a decision for them?  I know I was unemployed when I applied, but you cannot assume that any time you pick is a good time for someone.  I called them and let them know that I couldn't commit to that interview date and time and that anytime on a Monday would work best for me.  I have yet to hear from them....

Maybe it is a sign?  I am super stoked about working from home.  I also love customer service.  I like the range of hours I'll be working (day shift!).  I'm grateful for the advancement opportunities.  My only concern is for my potential schedule...missing church on Sundays.  I will trade any day of the week.  We were told not to worry too much about the schedule until we get there...so baby steps.

Which reminds me...I tend to put the cart before the horse.  To live 5 years ahead of now.  I feel that things should be light years ahead, but I'm moving at a slow pace.  Baby steps.

I want my entire house reorganized and redecorated right now.  But I can only do one room at a time.  Complete one project at a time.  Baby steps.

Have you felt like you are not progressing?  I've been feeling so much like that lately.  I have to remind myself that it takes many years for a Redwood to change from a short sapling to a tree giant.  You didn't get to be who you are now overnight, did you?  If you did, I need you to tell me your secret...

It's been over a year since my last post.  That post was about an upcoming job interview...well I didn't want that job.  It was for a financial firm that was all about the pyramid scheme.  So I refused. 

I was offered a position as General Manager at my hotel (after 4 years of working there).  That was a wonderful opportunity that I wasn't sure I was ready for.  After 11 months, they were sure that I wasn't a good fit.  It was a bittersweet moment.  The moment I realized that I was jobless was the same moment I realized I would not have to worry about anxiety attacks.  Yeah, I USED to get them...

March 2013: I was on my butt looking for a new job.  April 2013: I started with a temp agency.  July 2013: I ended with the temp agency.  My project ended.  I was sad.  But here I am window-shopping at the job market.  That job looks nice...

I have two options placed before me:
* Hertz Branch Manager Training Program
* Sykes Home Customer Service Specialist (at home job)

I'm working out the pros and cons of each and trying to decide what would be best in the long run.  I could use a lot little bit of help.  Ultimately, I want a job (or residual income ;)) that would allow for church attendance, allow for reasonable family time, help me to get out of debt, and make sure I won't need to rely on government assistance.

For further detalles (that's "details" in Spanish), contact me directly.  You may be able to help me!

Well...

We are nearing the end of the summer.  I will miss it so.  I will especially miss my kiddos.  We had a great time.  We went swimming, the girls went to Police Adventure Camp, we watched tons of movies, played tons of video games, told lots of jokes, and did more than our fair share of running around barefoot.  My favorite part of it all was just being with them.  Take a look at our 2013 Summer photo album.

I have to go...I'm still a very busy lady!  But you will hear from me again soon!  Not like a year from now, sooner than that!

Onto the Next!

Well, it's been one month since my last post!  As you probably know...so much has happened!

1. I just got back on Tuesday from Florida.  My visit with the girls was so short.  I had a great time.  Of course the time we spent was limited, since they were in school and all, but we went to the beach, spent lots of time at the pool, and had an all-around great time.  I didn't take a whole lot of pics because either the camera was forgotten in the hotel or malfunctioning (you know what I could use as a birthday present this year ^_^).  I will be posting what I did get sometime before this weekend is up.  Ryan is down there for a week...and I'm pretty sad. :(  But I'm working on other things in the meantime.

2. I have a job interview tomorrow!  I can't wait to get more information on the job.  It's for a financial firm.  I don't know what they are looking for particularly and I don't know what to expect as far as salary goes.  I am hopeful since this job will be in my county and is only about 20 minutes (if that) from my house.  No more working for gas alone! Since I'm an accounting major...I think working in a financial environment will be great!  I do love my coworkers and my hotel, but I have to do what's best for my family.  More money in the family's piggy is good.

3. My current computer is very stable!  I've been doing all kinds of stuff on it (including playing The Sims 3, which didn't work on my Gateway laptop.)!  I picked up an Aspire 5349-2899 from Micro Center for less than 300.  You can check Amazon for some pretty good prices, too.  I kinda needed one ASAP (with schoolwork being due and whatnot) and I could just walk into Micro Center and pick it up.  Be sure to do lots of research BEFORE purchasing a new computer.  You want to be sure you're getting a good deal, without compromising on the performance (depending on what your needs are).

4. I would think I've been keeping with my list of ways to love my enemy.  Of course, I haven't had any encounters with the "enemy" so...

5. Since I am childless for the next week, I have been thinking about things I can get done (without having to worry about interruptions).  I will try to go to a first time home buyer's class (since I couldn't bring a child with me) to get some good information and know what to expect when that joyous day finally comes.  No, it won't be anytime soon...(or will it?), but the class is free and I would recommend everyone who would want to even think about buying a house at some point in your life to go.  I also need to make doctor appointments.  It helps to keep a bit busy (not too busy) to keep my mind off missing my babies (and to get things done).

6.  You like my numbers?  Right now, I'm going to touch up my resume and get my references listed.  I plan on getting a good night's rest tonight.  When I come back, I'll let you know how the interview went.

Do Over?!

Even though this is overdue, I will try to get back on track with what I wanted to talk about...

Things seem to be in working order with my computer.  I don't know what happened, but it powered up last night and Ryan even Skyped with his dad today with no problems.  I can commence with school work. (awww...)  I hope the driver issue with Nvidia and my computer has been resolved forever.

I have not come up with any other recipes with my endless supply of beans.  We ate at Friday's last night and had leftovers tonight.  Perhaps the pantry challenge will be altered.  There is no way I'm having beans for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert with a side of soup every day.  I will get creative and use up what I don't really want to eat.  Don't get me wrong, I like beans, just not everyday.  A lot of the food I have in the pantry came from the food bank.  I'm not big on buying canned fruits and veggies because frozen ones are closer to fresh and healthy. I didn't realize how much I would rather make a meal of something else (if I have something else available). I really thought that everything that I have on hand can be used up without too many trips to the grocery store.  Perhaps I'm right about that.  I will take some time to reevaluate what I have and challenge myself to using up what's lurking on the shelves.

I know it's after Valentine's Day, but we had an assignment, didn't we?  We had 5 days to come up with 5 ways to love our enemies (well, I guess we had a little more time than that...).  Here are my five things (read if you have your list already):

1. Change the way I speak about them.
2. Watch my attitude when dealing with them.
3. Show patience.
4. Pray for them.
5. Try not to keep record of wrongdoings.

Onto the explanation!  Okay, when thinking about an enemy, I can't help but think of my ex-husband.  I will not go into the details of our marriage, divorce, and current communication issues, but I will explain a bit where I'm coming from.

1. Changing the way I speak about the person is a good first step toward showing respect.  I have to admit, this one isn't really that hard for me to do (what's hard is when I'm talking directly to the person!)  Even though your enemy may be someone who doesn't have or show any respect for you, it is up to you to "be the bigger person" and just be plain ol' decent when you're talking about them to others.  This probably won't change the way you feel about them, but you will be able to keep a clear conscious while being a good example to others (especially your children, if you have any).
2. Watching my attitude, huh?  More than anyone else I know in this world, my ex is really good at getting under my skin (and I let him?!).  Even when I try to keep emotions out and just be plain and say what needs to be said, it can come across as attitude (happens more often in email than in person).  What's difficult to do is keep a positive attitude when you are received with negativity.  I don't typically lose patience that easily, but with him...I do...  Which brings me to my next point...
3. Showing patience is really important.  It can help keep you from ever developing the attitude.  Being patient doesn't mean sitting back and not doing anything at all.  It means understanding that clearing up any situation could take some time.  Regardless of that time it may take, don't lose your cool and try to keep working toward a resolution.
4. Praying for those you love, or even strangers, is a lot easier to do than praying for someone you don't get along with.  When it comes to praying for that difficult person in my life, I don't really always know what to ask for (I can't say that I try to think about the person, either).  I would never ask for death and doom, but at the same time, I would really not have to deal with something (or someone) so difficult.  Can you feel me on that one?  Part of being a mature, responsible adult is facing difficulties.  It's important to pray for yourself to be able to show love to that person along with things that would benefit that person.  Be it wellness or repentance, when you pray for someone because you truly care for them (even if you don't like them), that's the ultimate way you can love them.
5. Try not to keep record of wrongdoings.  This one is tricky.  Especially if you are constantly being pestered (or have court hearings coming up).  The main thing is to try not to hang onto what was done in the past (if it has nothing to do with right now).  I don't really have issues with this with anyone, but (you guess it) my ex-husband.  For several years now, I have been dealing with things that led to my divorce as well as things that have been going on since then.  With court hearings scattered through the years, lies, and confusion, it's been hard to determine what exactly are we dealing with and in what time frame does it belong.  I can't help but think that it may be a while before any of that stuff will lose relevancy.  It can take a while to get over hurt, but dwelling on what they did to you will not help you grow or move forward (or deal with them properly).

This list is just 5 things.  Now for the assignment!  At the end of next week, take a look back on how you dealt with your "enemy." Did you stick to any of the 5 ideas you came up with?  How about with someone that you wouldn't consider an "enemy"? I'll have to revisit this one myself...There are 2 emails that I have been holding off responding to because they really got me going.  When I do respond (and believe me, I will) I will work to keep the love in it, even if what I have to say won't be welcomed (or understood as love).

What is easier than showing love?  Just about everything sometimes!  What's easier than that?  This recipe for my corn flake chicken!  You know you liked that transition!

You'll need some chicken pieces (you can use bone-in or boneless parts).  This time when I made it, I used boneless thighs.  You'll need to season your flour.  I used salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, and parsley flakes.  You can use whatever seasonings you like.  Remember, that because the chicken will have an outer layer of corn flakes, your seasonings will be sort of toned down a bit.  Taste your seasoned flour before you start coating chicken and adjust accordingly.  

After you have coated your chicken in the seasoned flour, beat an egg or two and dip in your chicken.  Get it covered pretty well (while not losing your flour).  

Last in the preparations is coating the chicken in broken corn flakes!  It's up to you how fine you want your corn flake crumbs.  I usually like to crush them by hand so there are a lot of different sized flakes, but chopping them in a food processor or leaving them whole works fine, too.

Your oven should be preheated to something too hot for you to touch...like 350 or 400 degrees (fahrenheit, of course!).  Place your chicken in the oven covered for as long as you like.  I usually keep it in for an hour...for good measure.  Be sure to uncover your chicken when it's done and cook for an additional 10 - 15 minutes to ensure the crust is nice and crispy.  You will have crispy but very juicy chicken.

 

I'm sorry for not having a picture of the final product.  I was so happy to sit down and eat!  We had macaroni and cheese and fresh salad with homemade sesame ginger dressing.  For dessert, mango peach cobbler (I doubled the quick fruit cobbler recipe from More-With-Less cookbook) with homemade pink vanilla ice cream (it was Valentine's day).

It is waaay past my bedtime.  I'm not doing homework, so I should really get some sleep!

Where's the love?!

Well...it's 1am the day AFTER Valentines Day. I was supposed to have a list for you and I was supposed to give you the next step for yours. I was also supposed to have some dinner ideas for my very own pantry challenge.
...i got the challenge part down out of all that...

I'm unable to sleep right now and I'm posting from my phone. My computer had been having some problems with video and after 3 minutes of Skype with my girls, the video died altogether. Apparently Nvidia's newest update has been giving people problems...
I realize that I really don't have the right kinds of items to make complete meals with while avoiding the grocery store.  I'm going to have to get pretty creative. I've got a LOT of beans!!

We had corn flake chicken thighs with salad and leftover mac & cheese. For dessert, mango peach cobbler with pink ice cream.

I will post my crazy easy recipes another time.

Loveless? or Loveful?

Well, it's been February for a little over a week now...How does it feel? Does it feel lovely?  No? Yes?  Starting in January, you may have noticed that everyone, everywhere have been gearing up for The Day of Love.

Valentine's Day is a special day where people all over the world feel pretty lonely because they may not have a honey to come home to or curl up with.  I've never really gotten all excited about the day, honestly.  To me, love goes beyond dating or marriage relationships.  We should have love for everyone around us.  That includes our families, friends, or anyone you pass by during your busy day.  We should remember that we are called to love our neighbor.  We should also be striving to extend that love on a daily (not yearly) basis.

I believe that I'm a pretty loving person, especially when it comes to helping to meet the needs of others.  I must  also say there are exactly two people that I have a hard time loving...Perhaps, I'm due for a challenge.  Perhaps you're due for a challenge?!  Today is the 9th of February.  There are exactly 5 days left until Valentine's Day.  Starting today...Each day, find a new way to show love to someone that you may be having trouble showing love to.  You don't necessarily have to seek out and interact with that person (or those people).  Showing love could be as simple as not spreading rumors about that person.  Resolving to change the way you interact with them.

It's a good idea to write these ideas down at the beginning of each day (any time is good, though).  On Valentine's Day, take a look at your list.  I will tell you what to do next...after Valentine's Day.

While I won't add to the numerous recipes for heart-shaped pancakes or chocolate-dipped strawberries, I will address food love.  How many times do you look at a full pantry and can't figure out what to eat?  I do it all the time.  Then, do you get yourself ready for a short trip to the store? (or order out?) and end up spending way too much?  How much food ends up being wasted at the end of the month?

This weekend I will be gearing up to try and use the food that has been sitting in my cabinets.  I have been inspired by Balancing Beauty and Bedlam's pantry challenge.  I have lots of food (mostly cans) that just sit there with each grocery trip I make.  Sometimes, I intend to do something with it...then I get a craving, or I don't feel like cooking...and you know the rest.  Being a good steward goes beyond tithing.  We should take care to not be wasteful with even our food.

The only items that I will allow myself to purchase will be milk, cheese, eggs, bread, and the like.   These are the kinds of thing that are normally kept on hand.  They would be used in recipes that I'll be working on.  Since I will be working toward using up what I have for the week (Mon - Fri), I will be trying to stretch the meat I have on hand and may have to cook some vegetarian meals.  I'm okay with that.  Tomorrow and Saturday, I will run through everything I have and see what I can come up with.  I imagine that maybe the first few days will be pretty easy...Each day, I will post my recipe for that day.  The next day, I will post pics of the finished product (if I don't eat it first!)
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My cabinet is full of things that I just won't use!  I have a lot of cans (mostly from the food pantry) that just sit there, looking at me.  I don't usually go out and buy canned foods (unless I have an immediate need), so they just sit...

I'm baaack! And happy New Year!

Well, I told you I would be back.  It has been a little more than a "week-ish,"  but I'm back, nonetheless.

I had a great time with the kiddos.  We opened some presents, we walked to the park...We got to meet up with my friend Patrick and visited Tarpon Springs Sponge Docks.  We didn't never wanna leave...

We've got lots of pics up on Picasaweb. So feel free to check them out.  I'm supposed to be going down between February and March.  Hopefully, the weather will be better.  I was not expecting 40 & 50 degree weather in Florida.  The weather warmed up as Mr. Ryan and I got on the plan to come back home...So not fair.  I didn't pack for the right weather.  Thankfully, we walked just about everywhere, so that kept our body temps up.


In my last post, I left off talking about ways to save money.  Looks like a lot of money can be saved by eliminated most of your household disposables.  I haven't bought anymore paper towels and have been using towels for just about everything.  It's not really a huge sacrifice for me as it gives me one less thing to purchase. On the air freshener issue...yeah.... No matter what you decide, you'll be continually buying refills or something.  I think plug-ins are probably the best way to continually freshen your home, without having to think about it (too much).  There are no batteries to replace, only the fragrance refill.  I have a couple of Glade Plugins (and I can't remember where I got them...Freecycle or parents?).  I used one (after my Sense and Sprays ran out) and it lasted for a couple of months, without having to be changed.  I think I will get more.  They go on sale often and there are sometimes coupons available.


Since my dryer decided it would be a good idea to display an error message, I have no dryer.  I would have no problems hanging my clothes to dry...if it weren't below freezing outside.  The error I got was a temperature sensor error.  This could be a $30 fix or a $130 fix, depending on what exactly I need to replace.  Since I won't know until I crack it open, I have decided to go on and hang my laundry.  The winter weather is very dry and since I keep the heat on inside, the air inside is very dry as well.  Hanging up wet laundry would help to humidify the house...which is something we need.


I'm not a lotion person, unless I really need it...and I have been REALLY needing it.

This luggage was made from my skin (during the last week of December alone).  

Courtesy of millionlooks.com

I think a lot about ways to save money, but not so much about how to make money.  I've been getting back in touch with my creative side lately and I think I have a few small money makers I can get into.  I've started crocheting again and can make some kind of hat...wrist warmers...some kind of flower...scarves, and blankets.  I'm thinking about crocheting some accessories and actually using my Etsy shop (no link for you!).  For Christmas, I received a KitchenAid stand mixer (YAY!), so I'm eager to get back to cheesecake baking as well.  There are a few websites where I take surveys for points and stuff and where I do simple tasks for change.  This stuff adds up if I can keep myself properly organized.  

School starts up for me soon, so I will have less time to play and create, but that's okay.  I will survive.  

When I come back, I'll be talking about El Día de Amor  ;)  and my issues with making schedules!

Reflections...

Today is Christmas Eve.  It's Mr. Ryan's birthday.  He is officially 4 years old!  He's in Florida right now, visiting with his father.  I can't help but think back over the years as my babies grow.  It wasn't really that long ago, when Terri was insistent that an apple was called "bateek" and Brianna was afraid of a certain hat scene on Blues Clues Big Musical.  Ryan was so tiny and the weather was a lot colder back in 2007.  Now, he wants to be called "Mr. Big Boy" and run around in circles.

There has been a lot through these recent years that happened around this time. I'm reminded of that each time we go back to court...or have to work out holiday visits...or when I see how much my babies have grown.  Now that their father is in Florida, we have more court to go to.  There is a 2-day trial coming up in April to address custody and visitation. I can never feel like "this is it" because as the kiddos continue to grow, and as life changes, we will very likely have to keep adjusting and readjusting based on the circumstance.

This year, I don't get to be with them on Christmas (or for Ryan's birthday), but I will get to spend a week with them in Florida.  It's always awesome times when I'm with them.  As we close out this year, I can't help but reflect on what we've been through and where we're going.  I see great things in the future!

Image from federatedmedia.net

2012 will be a great year!  Why? Because the economy will be looking up? Because of a potential new president?  No...because we can start now to plan how we will safely manage and save our money!  Think about all those bills you had in 2011.  Now think about how many of those bills you could have cut.  Now is a good time to shop around for better rates for your phone, internet, tv, etc.  If you are locked in a contract...well, you can ignore that until you get close to the end of your time period.  I have been paying a little over $80 with Verizon telephone and internet.  Just talked to a guy with Comcast who can give me the same for $39.99 (+ taxes and fees), with faster internet.  That would save me about half what I'm paying now!

Think about how you've been spending money on disposable things.  I'm not really big on buying paper towels, but when I have them, I use them like crazy.  If you're a regular paper towel user, this can get pretty expensive on a monthly basis, especially if you're picky and won't use just any kind.  It's better to buy towels for drying hands and dishes on.  Even keep some extra rags around for cleaning up crazy messes.  Also towels work in the place of sponges.  You can throw them in your laundry and use them again.   Towels cost more up front, but for what you pay, you will have run out of a lot of paper towels.  Check out Made In the Red Barn on Etsy.  There you can find "unpaper towels."

I've been thinking about air fresheners and ways to save money in that area.  I have used coupons to buy a few of those Glade Sense and Spray thingies.  It's quite nice to not have to remember to spray the room every 1/2 hour.  However, I've been wondering if there was a more cost-effective way to keep your home smelling wonderful.  Perhaps keeping rechargeable batteries around? Maybe using plug-ins?  What do you think?  Should I start making my own?

Probably next week...maybe...I will discuss changes I've made in my home decorating.  Nothing AMAZING, just different.  I'm still looking for ways to improve the atmosphere and make good use of space (not make it look like it was mostly free).

Merry Christmas and happy new year!  Think back on your year and anticipate ways you can do things a little better next year.  I'll see you in about a week-ish. ^_^