Do you always have to relate?

Sometimes when someone comes to you with a problem or a struggle it can be helpful to give a personal anecdote so that they know that you truly understand. However, don't feel that you need to do this every time.

This can be seen as making the situation about you and that is not helpful at all. It can cause the other person to lose trust in you. It can also be seen as downplaying their situation. Unfortunately, I can't tell you exactly when it will be beneficial. You have to know the person, to an extent, and read the conversation.

Even if the other person may think that you are making it about yourself, be apologetic and refrain from sharing your personal experiences at the time. The reality is that we all can truly relate to one another, even if we don't share the exact same experiences. However, sometimes we don't have to explain how or why this is possible. First and foremost, just be present. Listen and comfort as best you can.

*Insert Screams of Distress Here*

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It is sad and humbling to have to admit that I become obsessed when I'm afraid and worried. It drives me to fuss over everything that I could possibly do for anything that could possibly go wrong.

While it's always good to be somewhat prepared for things that may come, it's not okay to think that I possess the ability to be prepared for everything.  I have to remind myself that I can't control everything and (really) learn to let go.

The Bible addresses our worries and anxieties. We are to "cast" our cares upon the Lord. We should be anxious for nothing. That word "cast" means literally to hurl. Throw it away from you and onto the Lord. There are things that are indeed within your control (what you say, how you handle a situation, etc.) and there are things that you cannot control (the weather, how someone else feels, etc.).

Making this distinction is vital.  It will help you to loosen your grip (and maybe actually relax and have some peace). Then you can get down to delegating. Figure out what you can control and the steps that you'll take to move forward. Think about the urgency of each item in this list.  Some things really don't need to be done right now!  Some things are completely unnecessary.

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Then from the things that you can't control, determine if it's someone else's responsibility and talk with them about it. The people around you are probably likely to want to help you (and, hopefully, the feeling is mutual).  They will also need to determine whether the thing you want or need is within their ability and a priority.  Communication is super important here.

Maybe this should go before reaching out to others but think about whether something is in God's perfect timing. We really should take the time to pray and study His Word (communication) to know who God is and how he is.  This should help give you peace as you work on trusting Him more than yourself or the people around you.  This is probably the hardest thing for me to do.  I have a tendency to try to solve all the problems that I encounter (even those that don't belong to me!). It's often very hard for me to know if I should have more patience in a situation or if I should be actively doing something.  This discernment comes with time, practice, and humility. You have to be patient and understanding. Give yourself some grace.

Maintain a circle of support. Your supporters don't have to agree with everything you want to do or what you believe. You need people that you can trust to pour out your feelings and bounce ideas off of.  These people will care about you enough to be open and honest with what they think.  They will be able to help you put things into perspective and take some of the burdens off your shoulders.

Even though, I know this...I have a hard time remembering this when things go awry.  I have to be gracious to myself and pick up from where I am now. There is no point in beating myself up for letting myself get so far out of control.  That won't help me. I need to go to God and go to the people around me.

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No Pressure

Trying to live a Christian life can be met with lots of pressure. There is always the pressure of doing the right thing at all times, appearing to be a "good Christian." If you make a mistake there will be people to tell you about yourself in a heartbeat. Then there is the praise that comes from doing well (rather, what other people think is "doing well"). It's so easy to get caught up in man's good graces, rather than focusing on what it means to be a Christian.

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It's so easy to criticize others and weigh them against God's word, but have we really taken a closer look at what the Bible teaches? Is it just a collection of inspirational stories that we can insert our personal circumstances into and draw metaphorical strength on what God promised an ancient people?

No. Everything in the Bible should point to God's faithfulness to His people. We are not to focus only on the people themselves. These people that God has chosen had issues. David killed a man for his wife. Jacob had a child with his wife's servant instead of trusting in God's promise of becoming the father of many nations. Not to mention the whole polygamy thing they had going on.... The list of transgressions is endless!

Today, however, let's talk about the prophet Jonah. We all know the story about Jonah being swallowed by a whale and spit out after three days.  Let's take a closer look at this man and how he basically had a bad attitude toward God and other people.

Why was Jonah swallowed by a fish? Because he ran away from what God called him to do. God specifically told Jonah to speak to the people of Nineveh and tell them of the doom that was coming because of their sins. Jonah refused. Decided to go to Tarshish instead! He jumped on a boat and took a nap.  God sent a storm that prevented the boat from making it to dry land. The men in the boat all cried out to their gods, with the hope of being saved. They woke Jonah up and told him to pray also. They even cast lots to find out who was causing this calamity on them and the lot fell on Jonah.

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Then, Jonah came clean about who he was and what was going on. He told the men that they needed to throw him into the sea to quiet the storm. So the men cried out to God and tossed Jonah into the water.  The storm ended and the men believed in God from this point on. However, God wasn't done with Jonah yet...

He sent a fish to swallow him and hold onto him for three days. Jonah then decided to do what God said and speak out to the people of Nineveh.  They heard him and repented. God didn't destroy them after all, but that made Jonah mad.  He knew God was merciful and would save the people. He didn't think they deserved saving. He wanted them to die in their sins.

He pretty much pouted in the desert after that. God brought up a plant to shade him from the heat for a day, then destroyed it and turned the heat up on Jonah.  Jonah's attitude never improved. He even told God, “Yes, I do well to be angry, angry enough to die.” (Jonah 4:9)

I can honestly say that I act a lot like Jonah.  I sometimes put on my self-righteousness and judge others the same way he did. Then, have the nerve to get mad at God for caring for them! Nevermind, that God has shown the same mercy to me.

Regardless of Jonah acting like my childish self, God still did what he does. People have been saved.  The men on the boat turned away from their idols and believed in the God who created the universe. The people of Nineveh repented and turned away from their sins to worship the one true God.

Keep in mind that even though this life can be difficult with all the expectations of an unrelenting world, God is still faithful to do what He does. He's in the business of restoring and building up, in spite of ourselves. 

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This should relieve much of the pressure that we face every day.  Even if you mess up and have to repent for your own shortcomings, God is still faithful to keep His promises and to take care of his people. I'm not saying you should just do what you want because God's got this. That's a surefire way to end up on God's bad side. While He does promise grace and mercy He also promises justice. Hold onto humility and seek to do good. Just don't worry so much about keeping up with standards people set (outside of God's provision) for the life of the ideal Christian.

We're all pieces of work. No person that has ever lived has been able to live a sin-free life (other than Jesus, but we'll talk more about God in the flesh another time). Read the story of Jonah. It's only four short chapters. Trust that God is ministering to you as you minister to others. Even in the areas of your heart (and attitude) where you still need work.

Providential Packing

I hear things like "God helps those who help themselves" and wonder where this idea comes from. Sure, we're called to action and we know that faith without works is dead (James 2:20). However, the Bible repeatedly reminds us that we can't do things on our own. We always need God's help. Not only is He capable of doing all things, but He's also willing if we place our trust in Him.

I'm constantly reminded of the goodness of God's grace and the mercy He gives. 2020 has been a year of back-to-back bad news.  Despite that, I've been able to see glimpses of hope for the future and moments of encouragement and emotional rest. Right now, something big is happening in my home life and I'm being comforted every step of the way. Granted, this "big thing" is not to undermine the sufferings of my fellow citizens who have lost their jobs, their family members, and more during this year of constant crisis. I hope to bring light to the darkness. Maybe share some hope for others.

About four weeks ago, my landlord spoke the words I thought I would never hear him say. "Mo, I'm selling my properties." We've been in our condo for almost 5 years now. The idea was to build up some extra income during our time here so we could become homeowners. However, we were never able to build up even an emergency savings fund.

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All our income went toward living expenses, basic needs, and debts. My husband is receiving disability income, but at a fraction of what he was making when he was employed. I took on a second job around 2018, yet we still struggled.  Our area is expensive. Taxes are high. The cost of living is high. Even though our rent amount is lower than the rent is for our area, we've been struggling to get ahead.

Our landlord is a great man.  He is incredibly kind and understanding. It is because of the economic uncertainties of this year that drive him to sell his properties.  Let's face it, our economy is going down the toilet. With the problems of this election and all the lockdowns, I wonder if our near future will look like the depression era. So many have lost their jobs, their homes, their loved ones, you name it.  This year has had it all. If there are steps you can take to protect yourself and your family, I would say take them! I have no hard feelings at all regarding our landlord's decision.

But where would we go?! We don't have savings that we could use for a down payment or a deposit on a new place. Credit is shot and I recently filed for bankruptcy. There was no pressure to hurry up and move out, as my landlord said that he would wait until we find a place to put the condo on the market. This has eased things a little, but we would certainly not want to drag our feet.  The sooner he can sell, the better for him. And I will certainly keep praying that he sells very quickly and for the amount that would satisfy him.

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But where would we go?!  After getting the news from my landlord, I called one of my greatest friends to pour out the hurt and tears I was holding back. She did not hesitate to offer her guesthouse to us. I was taken aback! I was expecting biblical encouragement and prayers for peace and wisdom (which she still gave 😉). We had an option. Of course, we would take a look at other places, closer places, bigger places. But nothing would do, even if we could afford the monthly rent (see paragraph above). What's more interesting is that she and her husband just bought the property (they were previously renting it) a couple of months ago! You might not see it, but God is directing the lives of others so that they may be of help. Just don't think that everything that happens to others is about you... Hopefully, you can see how God has ordered your life events to provide for someone else in need. 

Lu and I agreed that this would be our best option (at a fraction of our current rent!). But when would we move?! Well...Lu has surgery that will greatly limit his mobility at the beginning of December. So, we should move before that, right? Yes...we will move about four weeks after the bad news, just a few days before the surgery. 😬

How do you pack up your whole place in less than a month? If you're like me, to do anything you need a list, a checklist, an outline, a diagram, some floor plans, calendar reminders, and lots of prayers. Not to mention all of these need to be color-coded and organized by category (the prayers, too). Or you could just give up and throw everything together... I promise that I'm seriously learning how to be somewhere in between. Thankfully, prayer and trust in God have given us peace. We are not stressing over every small detail (a BIG win in my book) and we can take things in stride. This also will produce fewer arguments and more kisses (actual results may vary).

Here we are now, just a few days before our move. We have most of our place packed up (and boxes are labeled). The trailer is reserved. Utilities will be set up by the move-in day. The only rooms left are the kitchen and bathroom. A few things are floating around here and there, but no biggie. We'll need to transfer pharmacies and update our address with our accounts.

Photo by Michal Balog on Unsplash

Trust me. We would not have been able to accomplish so much on our own strength. We would have broken down every step of the way. This has been a stressful time, but we have also been given peace about it. We're actually excited to see what God is doing in our lives. Surely, this isn't going to be a perfect situation, but everything has worked out so perfectly (without our intervention).

I was worried about boxes and moving papers (you know, those papers that wrap your glassware in), but we have just enough boxes and have had to get rid of much of the paper. Our moving papers overfloweth! The boxes and paper came from two households that have recently moved into the area (they didn't know their move was going to help our move, did they?). We also have good friends who are ready and able to help us move. Everything has been orchestrated before we even knew we were going to need anything!

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I'm quite sure that if we weren't inclined to consider God or His goodness, we would likely have a harder time seeing His providence. Now, it's so obvious! I hope you can see it, too. I also hope that you would get better at seeing over time.

Have you ever been in an impossible situation where nothing you did could fix it? Looking back on that situation, can you see providence play out through historical events in your life or the lives of others around you?

Meal Replacement Nachos

Friday evening, hubby and I were hosting dinner with a friend. The week hasn't been good to us and we weren't really ready to make dinner. I know... we had plenty of time... but, like I said, the week was not kind to us. 

I was hoping to make something delicious, but checked all the boxes of a complete meal... so we'll call them "Meal Replacement Nachos" as nachos are usually a snack food (and "Ultimate Nachos" or "Loaded Nachos" have been taken). Most of the ingredients are from Aldi, the first place I go for groceries. 

I didn't measure in exact measurements... so, I'm sorry.... I don't usually measure when I cook, unless I'm following someone else's recipe. 

When I make this again, I hope to remember to take pictures and update this post. 

Meal Replacement Nacho Recipe

1 lb ground beef

1/2 - 1 can of black beans, drained

1/2 onion, diced

Taco seasoning, to taste (I make my own by combining chili powder, salt, pepper, garlic powder,  onion powder, Cumin)

2 medium tomatoes, diced 

12 oz bag shredded cheese of your choice (Use as much or little as you'd like. I used about 3/4 of Happy Farms trio)

1 large bag (13 oz) of tortilla chips

1/3 bag of fresh spinach, shredded (I grab a small handful, roll it, and "slice.")

The following are optional toppings:

Sour cream, Salsa, Jalapeños

1. Preheat oven to 350° F. You're going to bake these before serving. 

2. Brown the ground beef with your taco seasoning. Hubby suggests browning your meat, drain, then season. Add your onions and black beans and cook until the beans are warmed. If you want the onions to be softer, add them earlier or cook them separately. 

3. On a large sheet pan, spread the tortilla chips evenly. Sprinkle some of the cheese on top. 

4. Layer your ground beef mixture on top of the chips and cheese. Layer the spinach and tomatoes on top of the ground beef. Top off with the rest of the cheese. Add Jalapeños on top, if desired. 

5. Bake in your preheated oven until your cheese reaches desired melty-ness.

6. Serve immediately with sour cream and salsa, if preferred. 

When reheating (IF you have leftovers), use the oven to keep crispness. Microwave is okay, too but they'll be soft. 

Feel free to adjust to your heart's content. You can add or subtract ingredients... and please share your modifications! I love to see variations. 

The Little Details in the Big Picture

Years ago when I applied for a temp position in my current job, I was asked a question that many people may be asked in an interview. "Do you consider yourself a big picture person or do you focus on the small details?" I think most people would say one or the other, but my answer includes both.  I'm able to see how the small details add up to make up the bigger picture.  I have a tendency to look toward the future and can put steps together to get there.  I have to admit that I can get caught up in the little things and sometimes find myself focusing so much on a small detail that I hinder progress.  Other times, I get overwhelmed by the bigger picture and don't take any steps at all.

My answer was unique to my interviewers.  It helped to add points to an interview already going well (yep, I'm bragging!). Surprisingly, however, I hadn't really put a whole lot of thought into this and what it could mean until recently.

Last month, my husband and I got into an argument that I don't understand how it became as big as it did. We had some clothing to donate and since the thrift stores in the area are not taking donations, we decided to drop them off at a box near our local grocery store. I don't usually use these boxes as I am often unable to verify if the clothing really goes to charity.  Rain was in the forecast for the evening and these donation boxes were overflowing with bags.

I noticed that one bag was open and asked Lu to tie a knot to make sure the contents didn't get wet.  He got so frustrated, thinking I was asking too much as they would probably be soaked anyway.  If these articles are going to be given to others, why let them get ruined? That was my thinking. His thinking was that what was going to happen would happen, so oh well.  

Reluctantly, he knotted the bag and we pretty much argued all the way back home (all 3 minutes) and then some when we got in.  I couldn't understand how he could be so calloused while supposedly doing a good thing. He couldn't understand why I would fuss over such a small detail.  We couldn't come to an understanding. I figured we should just drop the whole conversation (not something easy for my sweet husband to do). He prefers to resolve things as quickly as possible.

Later the next day, he told me that he went back to take a look at the items that were left out. Interestingly, the contents in the bag that he closed up stayed dry.  I wasn't completely certain that they would be dry. I only knew that I didn't feel right not trying to do something to salvage what was meant for someone else to use.

Another example of trying my all before letting go would be moving to Florida to be nearer my children and have more time with them. That was a huge financial flop, nearly ending in homelessness. Thankfully, moving back to Maryland has brought many blessings (and spiritual growth) that continue to flow. Also, we learned that we moved away just in time. A huge storm flooded the neighborhood we lived in. We could have lost our home in either of two ways.

I know not everyone thinks in the same way that I do. Many people are either big-picture folks or detail-oriented. In a beautiful way, these two ways of thinking are complementary. They only work together if we all work together. Just because you can't fully understand someone's way of thinking doesn't mean that they're wrong. Sometimes ideas aren't right or wrong, just different.

I also know that you can't get anywhere without taking any steps. You shouldn't try to run if you can't even stand to walk. To get to the end result, you have to work your way there. You cannot paint a picture without small strokes of color.

Finally, I think I'm rambling now. I have found 52 different ways to say the same thing. Take the time for the details, but don't dwell on them for too long. Keep the bigger picture in mind to help remind you that they are important in the grand scheme, but don't get too wrapped up in the great size of the whole.

I Am Anxiously Awaiting To Give You My Confession

I have a confession to make...

I am a worrier.  There. I said it. Phew! I can rest easy now right?!

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I worry about so much. And I worry about worrying sometimes. I don't really put a whole lot of thought into my worry until it becomes full-blown anxiety.  I worry about finances. Food. Cleaning the house. My job. My kids. My husband. Our health. The need to lose weight. What we need and don't have. What we have and don't need. I could keep going for probably all of eternity. 

I have recently been reminded (because I have "learned" this already) that worry and anxiety (and even depression) usually arise from the need for control. *GASP!*  My husband is probably the only person who will tell you that I have control issues.  *GASP!* Most people see me as hardworking, organized, blah, blah, blah. He knows me pretty dang well.

While I'm not the most organized person ever, and can't say I'm the cleanest person ever, I spend so much time thinking about what will be and how I'm going to be prepared for it.  I lose so much now time, right here time, because I'm living years into the future. It's kinda like how people binge-buy toilet paper, milk, and bread while preparing to get through a disaster. It's not that everybody needs such large quantities of these things at the same time (large families do, though even when not disaster-prepping), but it's something they feel they can control. I think ahead, plan ahead, prep ahead. I can solve problems you didn't know you had. I've already packed a few extra things in my bag when I head out.

It's not wrong to think ahead and plan ahead. When it comes to emergency situations, it is advised to think of strange "what-if" scenarios so that you may be prepared to act accordingly. People who don't think about the "what-ifs" are less likely to respond appropriately in an emergency. This is why we have fire drills and talk to kids about how to be safe around strangers. If you don't think about it, you're not as likely to make the right choices.

So, how exactly do we keep worry in check?

Heh. That's the tricky part if you're a worry-wart like me.  I can't help but be convicted of my worry after reading Matthew 6.  The last 10 verses are all about worry. The birds don't go storing up food in barns (or their fridges) like we do, yet they don't go hungry. Flowers don't go shopping and they don't sew, yet they are clothed in beauty. You are so much more important to God than the birds and the flowers. Why are you so high-strung?! Yes, we need to earn money to be able to buy food and clothes. No, we don't need to stress over it. Yes, there are things we need to do to prepare for emergencies. No, we don't need to live in fear of what is not guaranteed to happen.

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash

Well, I'm sure this all sounds good from some lady in the virtual interwebs who's got her life together and can talk about stuff that doesn't matter anymore.

Ha!  I'm not just some lady in the interwebs. I'm THE lady still struggling daily. It will probably be one of the many few things I will be fighting in this life for the rest of my life.  And it's not like I don't have proof in my own life that I'm taken care of (outside of my own control). I've got countless examples of how I held the world on my shoulders only for the solutions to not come from my own hands. 

What's something you've stressed over, only for it to turn out to not be as bad as you thought? Or for it to be resolved without your help?

Will you try to trust that not everything is under your control? Can you let go (even just a little bit)? If you're struggling with this, I urge you to talk to a friend about it. You can't carry it by yourself (which is something us worriers tend to do). Find someone whom you can trust, who will love you as you are, and work to help you be better. Without judgment.

You can even write it into your calendar so that you'll actually follow through. *wink*