Do you always have to relate?

Sometimes when someone comes to you with a problem or a struggle it can be helpful to give a personal anecdote so that they know that you truly understand. However, don't feel that you need to do this every time.

This can be seen as making the situation about you and that is not helpful at all. It can cause the other person to lose trust in you. It can also be seen as downplaying their situation. Unfortunately, I can't tell you exactly when it will be beneficial. You have to know the person, to an extent, and read the conversation.

Even if the other person may think that you are making it about yourself, be apologetic and refrain from sharing your personal experiences at the time. The reality is that we all can truly relate to one another, even if we don't share the exact same experiences. However, sometimes we don't have to explain how or why this is possible. First and foremost, just be present. Listen and comfort as best you can.

*Insert Screams of Distress Here*

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It is sad and humbling to have to admit that I become obsessed when I'm afraid and worried. It drives me to fuss over everything that I could possibly do for anything that could possibly go wrong.

While it's always good to be somewhat prepared for things that may come, it's not okay to think that I possess the ability to be prepared for everything.  I have to remind myself that I can't control everything and (really) learn to let go.

The Bible addresses our worries and anxieties. We are to "cast" our cares upon the Lord. We should be anxious for nothing. That word "cast" means literally to hurl. Throw it away from you and onto the Lord. There are things that are indeed within your control (what you say, how you handle a situation, etc.) and there are things that you cannot control (the weather, how someone else feels, etc.).

Making this distinction is vital.  It will help you to loosen your grip (and maybe actually relax and have some peace). Then you can get down to delegating. Figure out what you can control and the steps that you'll take to move forward. Think about the urgency of each item in this list.  Some things really don't need to be done right now!  Some things are completely unnecessary.

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Then from the things that you can't control, determine if it's someone else's responsibility and talk with them about it. The people around you are probably likely to want to help you (and, hopefully, the feeling is mutual).  They will also need to determine whether the thing you want or need is within their ability and a priority.  Communication is super important here.

Maybe this should go before reaching out to others but think about whether something is in God's perfect timing. We really should take the time to pray and study His Word (communication) to know who God is and how he is.  This should help give you peace as you work on trusting Him more than yourself or the people around you.  This is probably the hardest thing for me to do.  I have a tendency to try to solve all the problems that I encounter (even those that don't belong to me!). It's often very hard for me to know if I should have more patience in a situation or if I should be actively doing something.  This discernment comes with time, practice, and humility. You have to be patient and understanding. Give yourself some grace.

Maintain a circle of support. Your supporters don't have to agree with everything you want to do or what you believe. You need people that you can trust to pour out your feelings and bounce ideas off of.  These people will care about you enough to be open and honest with what they think.  They will be able to help you put things into perspective and take some of the burdens off your shoulders.

Even though, I know this...I have a hard time remembering this when things go awry.  I have to be gracious to myself and pick up from where I am now. There is no point in beating myself up for letting myself get so far out of control.  That won't help me. I need to go to God and go to the people around me.

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