I Quit Quitting

 The year I quit being a quitter.

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

In the fall of 2022 I did something I didn't think I would do again. I enrolled in a class. Not just any class. A certification-earning class.

This would be my first big step to making it a habit to finish what I've started.

I have been a chronic planner and beginner, but rarely finished things. I've had this struggle since my first marriage. Before that, I followed through and took the time to work on tasks.

Perhaps I would have ended up a quitter even without the added emotional damage of my failed first marriage. I was already of unstable feelings and doubted I could do great things. I think it would only be a matter of time before I gave in to the dismay (maybe at a slower rate?).

But I made a promise to myself that I would start seeing things through. I was determined to be more disciplined in order to actually do stuff. 😅

I was told that the class could be completed in 3-4 months. I knew it was not a realistic expectation in my particular situation, but it was good to know that with good planning and consistent work, I could be done BEFORE a year was up.

So how did it go?

It took me two years to finish the class and pass the test.

I can't tell you how many pep talks and tears have dropped as I (felt like I) forced my way through. I fought with myself on whether it was worth it or whether I should have even tried. How do I even know this is something I should be doing with my life?!

One of the things that helped me to keep going was that I was taking this class because of someone else’s financial contribution. Some very good (family-like) friends pooled money together so that i could take this class. I did NOT want their funds to go to waste. I HAD to finish this. They also believed I could do it. While I struggled with believing, I couldn’t let them down.

Once I reached the year mark, I contacted support to find out if there were options for an extension. Yes, but at a cost. Six months (twice) and I could complete the coursework and take the test. When it came to the test, I was so afraid. I did not trust that I had retained enough knowledge to pass (especially considered how I hammered my way through the class). I still had to attempt it. You know? You don’t take the test you don’t pass for sure!

By God’s grace I now have a big win under my belt. Good people have been placed in my life (where I have needed them the most) to encourage and inspire me. This was by no means the hardest thing I have ever faced, but I certainly did not believe I would have completed it.

This feat is one of a few that have fueled my desire (and helped me believe I’m able) to quit quitting and begin completing. So, if you see me grinding away (even at a snail’s pace), don’t mind me. I’m just not giving up!

Loving the Unlovable

Today's Verse of the Day really got my attention. Luke 6:28 (ESV) says "bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you."

Photo by Dev Asangbam on Unsplash

I don't think I remember hearing the word "abuse" in that text before. It really stood out to me today.

Constantly in the New Testament, Jesus is saying to love your enemies. He knows it's dang near impossible for us to do that. I mean, come on! Can you really love on someone who has it out for you? Someone who has or is abusing you?

I have examples of folks I know who grew up in abusive households. Some of those people have been able to forgive their abuser. Some have not. And there is a huge difference in how those decisions (to forgive or not) have affected them.

We are called to forgive for different reasons. And no, it's not really all about you. Or the other person.

God doesn't downplay your hurt or frustration. He understands where you're coming from, but He has a better way. One that will bring peace to your life. It will bring you closer to being like Jesus. Because it reflects what kind of God He is.

You need to remember that you were dead in your transgressions, but Jesus loved you anyway. Yes. He died for you while you were still His enemy (Romans 5:10). He didn't wait until we would say, "I'm sorry." He already forgave us before we even thought about repenting!

And it doesn't stop there! He still proceeds to love and care for you, interceding on your behalf while sitting at God's right hand in Heaven (Romans 8:34)!

Let's look at His example and see how we can imitate him.

My ex-husband was my abuser. For many years, I didn't understand the nature of our relationship but it was painful and kept me captive to a worsening self-esteem. Eventually, I would realize that I struggled with hating him. I was incredibly resentful because of not just how he treated me but because of how he was treating my children. 

I know we're not supposed to hate. We're even called to love our enemies (and boy, was he my enemy!), but how was I supposed to do that when there was no remorse on his part and he was actively hurting his family? Some friends have talked to me about forgiveness (so I now have a few books on the subject). I didn't realize that I needed to forgive him. And I really didn't want to, if I'm being honest.  There were a few things that I didn't quite understand about what it means to forgive.

Forgiving the other party doesn't excuse them from their wrongdoings.

You're not giving them a free pass for their sin, but you're choosing not to continue to hold it against them. This can be really hard to do when the other party is continuing to do harm. One of the things that my ex-husband would do is to take control of every conversation and even makeup "facts" along the way. Once I started to forgive him (repeatedly), I was able to take a step back and actually address this issue calmly. 

I guess it was kinda like my "line in the sand." Remembering that without God's grace, I'm just as wretched. Loving your enemy means that, no matter what, you'll do what's right and good for them. Think about raising children. Having to change a diaper may seem like a declaration of war, as your baby may not want to cooperate. They may fight and scream and cry, but that diaper really needs to be changed for their health and safety (and for the relief of noses in the vicinity). As a parent, there are many times when you have to do or declare things that your children will want to fight you on. You don't just leave them based on how they feel, but what's actually good for them.

Loving your enemies is the same way. They are human just like you. They also need Jesus. 

I have heard unforgiveness being likened to drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Think about it...they're just going about living their lives....and you're just stewing. You are creating an unhappy environment for yourself and keeping yourself from living your own life (you also run the risk of developing a hatred for them, as I had done. Trust me, it's not worth it!).

If you're struggling to forgive, it's okay. It doesn't often come easy. Think of it as an exercise that you have to revisit regularly before it gets easier. Keep praying to the Lord about it. Stay in the Word for guidance and understanding. Maintain a support group to help keep you encouraged and accountable. Repent.

I don't have any timelines on how long this may take. God could be bringing you through years of growth in this area or maybe a couple of months.