After dinner last night, we were finishing up our devotional with a discussion. We were talking about boasting. What it means to boast in the Lord. One of our discussion questions asked about things we have boasted about. I couldn't think of anything, so I asked Lu if there was anything that I boasted about. It didn't take him long to say that I wasn't the type of person to boast about anything. I'm sure there is something, but between the three of us last night, we couldn't come up with anything.
This lead to a new discussion. Lu had mentioned to Ry that some people apologize more than they should. Ry agreed and said that I said "sorry" too much. We then began a brief conversation about something much more sinister than being overly humble. It's a thing that I don't really think of too much, but I still struggle.
I have lived so much of my life being and feeling less than. Humility is a good thing. Putting one's self down is not. And no, they are not the same.
There are many people walking around this earth without realizing they are undervaluing themselves. Folks who will apologize for things they shouldn't have typically learned to do so in their interactions with other folks who like to throw their weight and importance around. I'm talking authority figures who have gone beyond their powers of authority. Peers who have continued to put down and shame those they work with. A wife who treats her husband like one of her children. A talented individual who won't encourage and complement others in their crafts.
There are so many stories of people fighting for dominance and many more of people who have lost the will to hold their chins up. This is not about confidence. This, dare I say, is self-loathing.
From my experience, people who are more inclined to be so sorry tend to be empathetic. They are more likely to consider another person's feelings and care about those feelings. They would rather decrease to keep peace.
I'm sorry to say, but this isn't the kind of self-sacrificing we are called to do.
It's okay be empathetic and consider another person's feelings. It's okay to want someone else to succeed. It's okay to hush and listen at times.
It's not okay to let feelings dictate anything (even the happy ones). It's not okay to devalue your own efforts for success. It's not okay to be silent when truth needs to be shared.
Got Questions has a really good response to self-loathing. Ultimately, knowing that you were created on purpose with a purpose is a piece of the puzzle. You need to know that the God of the Universe has placed a high value on you. You were meant to enhance this life with your presence and your talents.
You don't even need to be perfect (remove weight from shoulders). If you are someone who tends to undervalue yourself, I would encourage you to work on changing your perspective. Spend time in God's word (See Ephesians 2:10, 2 Corinthians 12:9, and Isaiah 43.25 for starters). Spend time with others who encourage you. Don't avoid the naysayers and the folks who are tearing you down (just try to limit your time and interactions with them until you are strong enough to hold your chin up again). We're not called to isolation. We are called into the world to shine and reflect Jesus.
I'm sorry if you're struggling, but I know that the Lord uses everything for the building up of His people. You don't have to fear man (though I do understand why you might).
