Busy-ness, Much Needed Thought, and Stuff

Well! I've been busy! Have a lot going on right now.  My latest project?!

That's right, cleaning house! My parents came up here recently from Texas to clean out their storage units. There was a lot of stuff from years past that just sat for some years now. Things that we forgot about. Things we couldn't wait to get back to. My parents' time here was very short...and very physical. They were hoping to get everything out, whether they load it up and drive it to Texas or chuck it. As you can see, I received a good bit of it, but not nearly enough to really relieve my parents.

Long story short, they will have to come back up here to sort out the last bit.

I've been contemplating on stuff. There is such an abundance of stuff. I moved into my house 3 years ago with almost nothing, and now I'm needing to regularly get rid of stuff so it doesn't overflow!  It's not even like I bought everything, either!  Most of what I have was given to me or I found it.  Some of it was bought from the thrift store or on sale somewhere.

I've also been thinking about how attached to our stuff we get, even if we haven't used it or seen it in years. As I went through the boxes with my parents, I was reminded of my youthful days (yes they seem so long ago!). It was also a reminder to me for our constant need to clean. If we don't keep up with our housework, our homes could get so gross to the point of being uninhabitable.

Funny how this correlates with our hearts and our spirits. We get so wound up in things that end up clouding our vision and making it hard to remember the goal. I can't tell you how many times I set my mind to do something, only to have something(s) get in the way and I lose my direction.  This could be why I never finished school?!  If we don't continue to clean house, we will become extremely busy and without true purpose.  Hence, the last 5 years of my life...

Something else happened to me recently to make me ponder things I should have thought about before.  I lost my job on Saturday.  Never have I been fired from a job until this year.  I got fired twice in the same year!  When I do things, I DO things!!!  Nevertheless, this has hit me pretty hard.  I'm feeling useless and like a big loser.  Maybe I am?  But, thank God, I'm able to think about things differently.  Maybe that could mean some growth?

Every time something major happens, it happens around the time my kids are coming to visit.  I've been praying for a good job that allows me to have the time I need with them, allows me to make it to church on Sundays, and will allow me to keep my bills current and pay off my debts.  Would be even better if I could just receive money and just do what I want to do!  I don't need a job, I have plenty of things to do...I just need money to get out of debt and buy food!

If I get a new job now, I wouldn't have enough time to save up for a sitter (or request time off) when my kids come for Thanksgiving.  If I remain income-less...well, I would rather not think about it!  This has been the pattern of things, since getting separated (and eventually divorced) from my husband.  I feel like I'm always 3 steps behind and when I feel like I'm making progress, doors slam in my face (now I'll never be a teen model!).

Also made me think about a devotional I read not too long ago.  The author talked about how her life was great and how close a relationship she had with God.  How she was able to hear Him clearly regarding the plans for her life.  She stayed in communication with Him and she was trusting in Him.  Then one day, her world came crashing down.  What happened?  She came to the point to realize that she wasn't obeying God's plan for her...she was obeying what she instilled as God's plan, but it was really her own.

I do that a lot, I've come to realize.  I feel like something is going to be such a great idea and benefit myself and my kiddos, only to later learn otherwise (when it implodes/explodes/crashes/insert other destructive word here). Maybe a job is not what I'm supposed to do right now.  Maybe I need to just wait a little longer for the right one to come along (stop fighting so hard for it). I don't know which is true or if there is another answer.

I force myself try (effortlessly?! not buying that?  ok...) to see the positive in things.  Like...well...I can actually work on a plan to finish school...I could go on mission trips...I have more time to help people...I could maybe focus on unconventional ways to sustain myself and not compromise my faith or family....  Whatever it is, I'm doing what I can to just be still, for once.  Not easy for me.  I am apparently a control freak.  Don't quote me on that!

I will stick with my direct-selling businesses for now and maybe go ahead and start that accessory business I've been thinking about for a long time.  Or even get back into selling cheesecakes.  As I've said before, I have plenty of things to do!  I just need to know what I should be doing!  Heaven help the poor man that marries me (if I get married again)!

How shameful!

Guilt. Shame. Regret. Worthlessness.  Uselessness.  Unfit. Pathetic. Miserable. I could go on.  These are thoughts and feelings that we've all had.  It's hard to keep positive when we've made so many mistakes in this life.  Also, when we know there are more to come.

I subscribe to Encouragement for Today from Proverbs 31 Ministries.  It's a good jump off point for daily Bible reading, and a nice pic me up during the day.  A lot of the devotions have something to do with marriage (I'm no longer married...), but today's really hit me.  It was titled "Imprisoned by Shame."  I can't tell you the amount of self-worthlessness I've struggled with for most of my life.  I also can't tell you that I don't struggle with it now...I can't tell how ashamed of myself I have been or for how long.  Whether it be nervous to step out into public or feeling guilty for falling into behaviors I knew were wrong, my life has not been without this dejected feeling.  I would encourage you to read this devotion for yourself. You can do that here. Really made my day, I had to talk about it!

God reminds us that we can still hold our heads high.  It's not within ourselves that we can find this comfort...it's in Jesus.  He talks about it all over the Bible!

Hope:

Deuteronomy 31:6 New King James Version (NKJV)

6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

Freedom:
Galatians 5:1 New King James Version (NKJV)
5 Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.

Love:

John 3:16 New King James Version (NKJV)

16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

These are just some of the wonders of seeing yourself how God sees you.  I have to remind myself that no matter how I bad I think I am (and I'm sure I can be pretty bad...don't comment on that!), God still wants to be close to me and works with me to overcome all.  Man!  I can't tell you how fired up I get, thinking about that!

I have this blog because I'm in a place I don't really want to be (and I know I'm not alone).  I'm poor.  I live in public housing and have relied on the government for medical care and food for my family.  I'm doing everything that I can to budget, save, get out of debt, and get off of assistance (and not feel like a total loser).  I realize that I won't be here forever, but I also realize that we are all publicly assisted (whether we want to admit it or not).

This life was meant to be lived with others.  Giving and sharing, as well as needing and receiving.  I can be prideful and I don't like tell people when I need help.  I don't like to ask.  It gets so bad that I don't always go to God and ask for help.  I'll keep others in my heart, prayers, and on my mind, but I can handle myself, right?!

The answer is NO!  What a fooling thing, thinking I have the power to fix myself!  If you struggle with shame, please know that you're not alone.  Know that there are people around you that want to be let in to live your life with you.  If nothing else, I care about you and God cares.  You can always contact me if you don't have anyone to talk to you.  Better than me, you've got God who is not only walking beside you in your struggle, He's available to talk to (24-7), and He is the author of your life, after all. 

Matthew West's "Hello, My Name Is" is a song that really just tears me up.  It's a great reminder!

You might not be able to watch it here on my page, but click the link to see not only the story behind the song, but to see the video on YouTube. ^_^

Baby Steps

Good evening!  There has been a lot going on.  I've been so busy trying to figure things out, I forgot to blog along the way!

Well, it's only been a couple of weeks since my last post.  ;)

I was at a crossroads!  Do I take the Hertz job?  Do I keep rolling with Sykes?  I decided to stick with Sykes.  I weighed the pros and cons of both and decided that right now, I'm better off with the at-home job.  I started my training last week and I'm actually pretty excited.

Yesterday, though....I got an email from the United States Postal Service for a job interview.  I'm not knocking how some places do their interviewing, but why not check with the person before you make a decision for them?  I know I was unemployed when I applied, but you cannot assume that any time you pick is a good time for someone.  I called them and let them know that I couldn't commit to that interview date and time and that anytime on a Monday would work best for me.  I have yet to hear from them....

Maybe it is a sign?  I am super stoked about working from home.  I also love customer service.  I like the range of hours I'll be working (day shift!).  I'm grateful for the advancement opportunities.  My only concern is for my potential schedule...missing church on Sundays.  I will trade any day of the week.  We were told not to worry too much about the schedule until we get there...so baby steps.

Which reminds me...I tend to put the cart before the horse.  To live 5 years ahead of now.  I feel that things should be light years ahead, but I'm moving at a slow pace.  Baby steps.

I want my entire house reorganized and redecorated right now.  But I can only do one room at a time.  Complete one project at a time.  Baby steps.

Have you felt like you are not progressing?  I've been feeling so much like that lately.  I have to remind myself that it takes many years for a Redwood to change from a short sapling to a tree giant.  You didn't get to be who you are now overnight, did you?  If you did, I need you to tell me your secret...

It's been over a year since my last post.  That post was about an upcoming job interview...well I didn't want that job.  It was for a financial firm that was all about the pyramid scheme.  So I refused. 

I was offered a position as General Manager at my hotel (after 4 years of working there).  That was a wonderful opportunity that I wasn't sure I was ready for.  After 11 months, they were sure that I wasn't a good fit.  It was a bittersweet moment.  The moment I realized that I was jobless was the same moment I realized I would not have to worry about anxiety attacks.  Yeah, I USED to get them...

March 2013: I was on my butt looking for a new job.  April 2013: I started with a temp agency.  July 2013: I ended with the temp agency.  My project ended.  I was sad.  But here I am window-shopping at the job market.  That job looks nice...

I have two options placed before me:
* Hertz Branch Manager Training Program
* Sykes Home Customer Service Specialist (at home job)

I'm working out the pros and cons of each and trying to decide what would be best in the long run.  I could use a lot little bit of help.  Ultimately, I want a job (or residual income ;)) that would allow for church attendance, allow for reasonable family time, help me to get out of debt, and make sure I won't need to rely on government assistance.

For further detalles (that's "details" in Spanish), contact me directly.  You may be able to help me!

Well...

We are nearing the end of the summer.  I will miss it so.  I will especially miss my kiddos.  We had a great time.  We went swimming, the girls went to Police Adventure Camp, we watched tons of movies, played tons of video games, told lots of jokes, and did more than our fair share of running around barefoot.  My favorite part of it all was just being with them.  Take a look at our 2013 Summer photo album.

I have to go...I'm still a very busy lady!  But you will hear from me again soon!  Not like a year from now, sooner than that!

Onto the Next!

Well, it's been one month since my last post!  As you probably know...so much has happened!

1. I just got back on Tuesday from Florida.  My visit with the girls was so short.  I had a great time.  Of course the time we spent was limited, since they were in school and all, but we went to the beach, spent lots of time at the pool, and had an all-around great time.  I didn't take a whole lot of pics because either the camera was forgotten in the hotel or malfunctioning (you know what I could use as a birthday present this year ^_^).  I will be posting what I did get sometime before this weekend is up.  Ryan is down there for a week...and I'm pretty sad. :(  But I'm working on other things in the meantime.

2. I have a job interview tomorrow!  I can't wait to get more information on the job.  It's for a financial firm.  I don't know what they are looking for particularly and I don't know what to expect as far as salary goes.  I am hopeful since this job will be in my county and is only about 20 minutes (if that) from my house.  No more working for gas alone! Since I'm an accounting major...I think working in a financial environment will be great!  I do love my coworkers and my hotel, but I have to do what's best for my family.  More money in the family's piggy is good.

3. My current computer is very stable!  I've been doing all kinds of stuff on it (including playing The Sims 3, which didn't work on my Gateway laptop.)!  I picked up an Aspire 5349-2899 from Micro Center for less than 300.  You can check Amazon for some pretty good prices, too.  I kinda needed one ASAP (with schoolwork being due and whatnot) and I could just walk into Micro Center and pick it up.  Be sure to do lots of research BEFORE purchasing a new computer.  You want to be sure you're getting a good deal, without compromising on the performance (depending on what your needs are).

4. I would think I've been keeping with my list of ways to love my enemy.  Of course, I haven't had any encounters with the "enemy" so...

5. Since I am childless for the next week, I have been thinking about things I can get done (without having to worry about interruptions).  I will try to go to a first time home buyer's class (since I couldn't bring a child with me) to get some good information and know what to expect when that joyous day finally comes.  No, it won't be anytime soon...(or will it?), but the class is free and I would recommend everyone who would want to even think about buying a house at some point in your life to go.  I also need to make doctor appointments.  It helps to keep a bit busy (not too busy) to keep my mind off missing my babies (and to get things done).

6.  You like my numbers?  Right now, I'm going to touch up my resume and get my references listed.  I plan on getting a good night's rest tonight.  When I come back, I'll let you know how the interview went.

Do Over?!

Even though this is overdue, I will try to get back on track with what I wanted to talk about...

Things seem to be in working order with my computer.  I don't know what happened, but it powered up last night and Ryan even Skyped with his dad today with no problems.  I can commence with school work. (awww...)  I hope the driver issue with Nvidia and my computer has been resolved forever.

I have not come up with any other recipes with my endless supply of beans.  We ate at Friday's last night and had leftovers tonight.  Perhaps the pantry challenge will be altered.  There is no way I'm having beans for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert with a side of soup every day.  I will get creative and use up what I don't really want to eat.  Don't get me wrong, I like beans, just not everyday.  A lot of the food I have in the pantry came from the food bank.  I'm not big on buying canned fruits and veggies because frozen ones are closer to fresh and healthy. I didn't realize how much I would rather make a meal of something else (if I have something else available). I really thought that everything that I have on hand can be used up without too many trips to the grocery store.  Perhaps I'm right about that.  I will take some time to reevaluate what I have and challenge myself to using up what's lurking on the shelves.

I know it's after Valentine's Day, but we had an assignment, didn't we?  We had 5 days to come up with 5 ways to love our enemies (well, I guess we had a little more time than that...).  Here are my five things (read if you have your list already):

1. Change the way I speak about them.
2. Watch my attitude when dealing with them.
3. Show patience.
4. Pray for them.
5. Try not to keep record of wrongdoings.

Onto the explanation!  Okay, when thinking about an enemy, I can't help but think of my ex-husband.  I will not go into the details of our marriage, divorce, and current communication issues, but I will explain a bit where I'm coming from.

1. Changing the way I speak about the person is a good first step toward showing respect.  I have to admit, this one isn't really that hard for me to do (what's hard is when I'm talking directly to the person!)  Even though your enemy may be someone who doesn't have or show any respect for you, it is up to you to "be the bigger person" and just be plain ol' decent when you're talking about them to others.  This probably won't change the way you feel about them, but you will be able to keep a clear conscious while being a good example to others (especially your children, if you have any).
2. Watching my attitude, huh?  More than anyone else I know in this world, my ex is really good at getting under my skin (and I let him?!).  Even when I try to keep emotions out and just be plain and say what needs to be said, it can come across as attitude (happens more often in email than in person).  What's difficult to do is keep a positive attitude when you are received with negativity.  I don't typically lose patience that easily, but with him...I do...  Which brings me to my next point...
3. Showing patience is really important.  It can help keep you from ever developing the attitude.  Being patient doesn't mean sitting back and not doing anything at all.  It means understanding that clearing up any situation could take some time.  Regardless of that time it may take, don't lose your cool and try to keep working toward a resolution.
4. Praying for those you love, or even strangers, is a lot easier to do than praying for someone you don't get along with.  When it comes to praying for that difficult person in my life, I don't really always know what to ask for (I can't say that I try to think about the person, either).  I would never ask for death and doom, but at the same time, I would really not have to deal with something (or someone) so difficult.  Can you feel me on that one?  Part of being a mature, responsible adult is facing difficulties.  It's important to pray for yourself to be able to show love to that person along with things that would benefit that person.  Be it wellness or repentance, when you pray for someone because you truly care for them (even if you don't like them), that's the ultimate way you can love them.
5. Try not to keep record of wrongdoings.  This one is tricky.  Especially if you are constantly being pestered (or have court hearings coming up).  The main thing is to try not to hang onto what was done in the past (if it has nothing to do with right now).  I don't really have issues with this with anyone, but (you guess it) my ex-husband.  For several years now, I have been dealing with things that led to my divorce as well as things that have been going on since then.  With court hearings scattered through the years, lies, and confusion, it's been hard to determine what exactly are we dealing with and in what time frame does it belong.  I can't help but think that it may be a while before any of that stuff will lose relevancy.  It can take a while to get over hurt, but dwelling on what they did to you will not help you grow or move forward (or deal with them properly).

This list is just 5 things.  Now for the assignment!  At the end of next week, take a look back on how you dealt with your "enemy." Did you stick to any of the 5 ideas you came up with?  How about with someone that you wouldn't consider an "enemy"? I'll have to revisit this one myself...There are 2 emails that I have been holding off responding to because they really got me going.  When I do respond (and believe me, I will) I will work to keep the love in it, even if what I have to say won't be welcomed (or understood as love).

What is easier than showing love?  Just about everything sometimes!  What's easier than that?  This recipe for my corn flake chicken!  You know you liked that transition!

You'll need some chicken pieces (you can use bone-in or boneless parts).  This time when I made it, I used boneless thighs.  You'll need to season your flour.  I used salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, and parsley flakes.  You can use whatever seasonings you like.  Remember, that because the chicken will have an outer layer of corn flakes, your seasonings will be sort of toned down a bit.  Taste your seasoned flour before you start coating chicken and adjust accordingly.  

After you have coated your chicken in the seasoned flour, beat an egg or two and dip in your chicken.  Get it covered pretty well (while not losing your flour).  

Last in the preparations is coating the chicken in broken corn flakes!  It's up to you how fine you want your corn flake crumbs.  I usually like to crush them by hand so there are a lot of different sized flakes, but chopping them in a food processor or leaving them whole works fine, too.

Your oven should be preheated to something too hot for you to touch...like 350 or 400 degrees (fahrenheit, of course!).  Place your chicken in the oven covered for as long as you like.  I usually keep it in for an hour...for good measure.  Be sure to uncover your chicken when it's done and cook for an additional 10 - 15 minutes to ensure the crust is nice and crispy.  You will have crispy but very juicy chicken.

 

I'm sorry for not having a picture of the final product.  I was so happy to sit down and eat!  We had macaroni and cheese and fresh salad with homemade sesame ginger dressing.  For dessert, mango peach cobbler (I doubled the quick fruit cobbler recipe from More-With-Less cookbook) with homemade pink vanilla ice cream (it was Valentine's day).

It is waaay past my bedtime.  I'm not doing homework, so I should really get some sleep!

Where's the love?!

Well...it's 1am the day AFTER Valentines Day. I was supposed to have a list for you and I was supposed to give you the next step for yours. I was also supposed to have some dinner ideas for my very own pantry challenge.
...i got the challenge part down out of all that...

I'm unable to sleep right now and I'm posting from my phone. My computer had been having some problems with video and after 3 minutes of Skype with my girls, the video died altogether. Apparently Nvidia's newest update has been giving people problems...
I realize that I really don't have the right kinds of items to make complete meals with while avoiding the grocery store.  I'm going to have to get pretty creative. I've got a LOT of beans!!

We had corn flake chicken thighs with salad and leftover mac & cheese. For dessert, mango peach cobbler with pink ice cream.

I will post my crazy easy recipes another time.

Loveless? or Loveful?

Well, it's been February for a little over a week now...How does it feel? Does it feel lovely?  No? Yes?  Starting in January, you may have noticed that everyone, everywhere have been gearing up for The Day of Love.

Valentine's Day is a special day where people all over the world feel pretty lonely because they may not have a honey to come home to or curl up with.  I've never really gotten all excited about the day, honestly.  To me, love goes beyond dating or marriage relationships.  We should have love for everyone around us.  That includes our families, friends, or anyone you pass by during your busy day.  We should remember that we are called to love our neighbor.  We should also be striving to extend that love on a daily (not yearly) basis.

I believe that I'm a pretty loving person, especially when it comes to helping to meet the needs of others.  I must  also say there are exactly two people that I have a hard time loving...Perhaps, I'm due for a challenge.  Perhaps you're due for a challenge?!  Today is the 9th of February.  There are exactly 5 days left until Valentine's Day.  Starting today...Each day, find a new way to show love to someone that you may be having trouble showing love to.  You don't necessarily have to seek out and interact with that person (or those people).  Showing love could be as simple as not spreading rumors about that person.  Resolving to change the way you interact with them.

It's a good idea to write these ideas down at the beginning of each day (any time is good, though).  On Valentine's Day, take a look at your list.  I will tell you what to do next...after Valentine's Day.

While I won't add to the numerous recipes for heart-shaped pancakes or chocolate-dipped strawberries, I will address food love.  How many times do you look at a full pantry and can't figure out what to eat?  I do it all the time.  Then, do you get yourself ready for a short trip to the store? (or order out?) and end up spending way too much?  How much food ends up being wasted at the end of the month?

This weekend I will be gearing up to try and use the food that has been sitting in my cabinets.  I have been inspired by Balancing Beauty and Bedlam's pantry challenge.  I have lots of food (mostly cans) that just sit there with each grocery trip I make.  Sometimes, I intend to do something with it...then I get a craving, or I don't feel like cooking...and you know the rest.  Being a good steward goes beyond tithing.  We should take care to not be wasteful with even our food.

The only items that I will allow myself to purchase will be milk, cheese, eggs, bread, and the like.   These are the kinds of thing that are normally kept on hand.  They would be used in recipes that I'll be working on.  Since I will be working toward using up what I have for the week (Mon - Fri), I will be trying to stretch the meat I have on hand and may have to cook some vegetarian meals.  I'm okay with that.  Tomorrow and Saturday, I will run through everything I have and see what I can come up with.  I imagine that maybe the first few days will be pretty easy...Each day, I will post my recipe for that day.  The next day, I will post pics of the finished product (if I don't eat it first!)
.

My cabinet is full of things that I just won't use!  I have a lot of cans (mostly from the food pantry) that just sit there, looking at me.  I don't usually go out and buy canned foods (unless I have an immediate need), so they just sit...

I'm baaack! And happy New Year!

Well, I told you I would be back.  It has been a little more than a "week-ish,"  but I'm back, nonetheless.

I had a great time with the kiddos.  We opened some presents, we walked to the park...We got to meet up with my friend Patrick and visited Tarpon Springs Sponge Docks.  We didn't never wanna leave...

We've got lots of pics up on Picasaweb. So feel free to check them out.  I'm supposed to be going down between February and March.  Hopefully, the weather will be better.  I was not expecting 40 & 50 degree weather in Florida.  The weather warmed up as Mr. Ryan and I got on the plan to come back home...So not fair.  I didn't pack for the right weather.  Thankfully, we walked just about everywhere, so that kept our body temps up.


In my last post, I left off talking about ways to save money.  Looks like a lot of money can be saved by eliminated most of your household disposables.  I haven't bought anymore paper towels and have been using towels for just about everything.  It's not really a huge sacrifice for me as it gives me one less thing to purchase. On the air freshener issue...yeah.... No matter what you decide, you'll be continually buying refills or something.  I think plug-ins are probably the best way to continually freshen your home, without having to think about it (too much).  There are no batteries to replace, only the fragrance refill.  I have a couple of Glade Plugins (and I can't remember where I got them...Freecycle or parents?).  I used one (after my Sense and Sprays ran out) and it lasted for a couple of months, without having to be changed.  I think I will get more.  They go on sale often and there are sometimes coupons available.


Since my dryer decided it would be a good idea to display an error message, I have no dryer.  I would have no problems hanging my clothes to dry...if it weren't below freezing outside.  The error I got was a temperature sensor error.  This could be a $30 fix or a $130 fix, depending on what exactly I need to replace.  Since I won't know until I crack it open, I have decided to go on and hang my laundry.  The winter weather is very dry and since I keep the heat on inside, the air inside is very dry as well.  Hanging up wet laundry would help to humidify the house...which is something we need.


I'm not a lotion person, unless I really need it...and I have been REALLY needing it.

This luggage was made from my skin (during the last week of December alone).  

Courtesy of millionlooks.com

I think a lot about ways to save money, but not so much about how to make money.  I've been getting back in touch with my creative side lately and I think I have a few small money makers I can get into.  I've started crocheting again and can make some kind of hat...wrist warmers...some kind of flower...scarves, and blankets.  I'm thinking about crocheting some accessories and actually using my Etsy shop (no link for you!).  For Christmas, I received a KitchenAid stand mixer (YAY!), so I'm eager to get back to cheesecake baking as well.  There are a few websites where I take surveys for points and stuff and where I do simple tasks for change.  This stuff adds up if I can keep myself properly organized.  

School starts up for me soon, so I will have less time to play and create, but that's okay.  I will survive.  

When I come back, I'll be talking about El Día de Amor  ;)  and my issues with making schedules!

Reflections...

Today is Christmas Eve.  It's Mr. Ryan's birthday.  He is officially 4 years old!  He's in Florida right now, visiting with his father.  I can't help but think back over the years as my babies grow.  It wasn't really that long ago, when Terri was insistent that an apple was called "bateek" and Brianna was afraid of a certain hat scene on Blues Clues Big Musical.  Ryan was so tiny and the weather was a lot colder back in 2007.  Now, he wants to be called "Mr. Big Boy" and run around in circles.

There has been a lot through these recent years that happened around this time. I'm reminded of that each time we go back to court...or have to work out holiday visits...or when I see how much my babies have grown.  Now that their father is in Florida, we have more court to go to.  There is a 2-day trial coming up in April to address custody and visitation. I can never feel like "this is it" because as the kiddos continue to grow, and as life changes, we will very likely have to keep adjusting and readjusting based on the circumstance.

This year, I don't get to be with them on Christmas (or for Ryan's birthday), but I will get to spend a week with them in Florida.  It's always awesome times when I'm with them.  As we close out this year, I can't help but reflect on what we've been through and where we're going.  I see great things in the future!

Image from federatedmedia.net

2012 will be a great year!  Why? Because the economy will be looking up? Because of a potential new president?  No...because we can start now to plan how we will safely manage and save our money!  Think about all those bills you had in 2011.  Now think about how many of those bills you could have cut.  Now is a good time to shop around for better rates for your phone, internet, tv, etc.  If you are locked in a contract...well, you can ignore that until you get close to the end of your time period.  I have been paying a little over $80 with Verizon telephone and internet.  Just talked to a guy with Comcast who can give me the same for $39.99 (+ taxes and fees), with faster internet.  That would save me about half what I'm paying now!

Think about how you've been spending money on disposable things.  I'm not really big on buying paper towels, but when I have them, I use them like crazy.  If you're a regular paper towel user, this can get pretty expensive on a monthly basis, especially if you're picky and won't use just any kind.  It's better to buy towels for drying hands and dishes on.  Even keep some extra rags around for cleaning up crazy messes.  Also towels work in the place of sponges.  You can throw them in your laundry and use them again.   Towels cost more up front, but for what you pay, you will have run out of a lot of paper towels.  Check out Made In the Red Barn on Etsy.  There you can find "unpaper towels."

I've been thinking about air fresheners and ways to save money in that area.  I have used coupons to buy a few of those Glade Sense and Spray thingies.  It's quite nice to not have to remember to spray the room every 1/2 hour.  However, I've been wondering if there was a more cost-effective way to keep your home smelling wonderful.  Perhaps keeping rechargeable batteries around? Maybe using plug-ins?  What do you think?  Should I start making my own?

Probably next week...maybe...I will discuss changes I've made in my home decorating.  Nothing AMAZING, just different.  I'm still looking for ways to improve the atmosphere and make good use of space (not make it look like it was mostly free).

Merry Christmas and happy new year!  Think back on your year and anticipate ways you can do things a little better next year.  I'll see you in about a week-ish. ^_^

Tis the Season

It's been a couple of months since I last posted.  Someday, I will be more consistent (I promise!).  This time of year is a bag of mixed emotions for me.  Four years ago around this time of year, was the beginning of an end for me.  The start of a new struggle that I never knew that I would still be dealing with.

I have heard about welfare, but not until four years ago did I know what it really was.  I heard the term food stamps, but for the first time in my life I applied for them.  I had actually been on medical assistance when I found I was pregnant with my first beautiful baby and we didn't have family health insurance.  I had never even understood public housing until I had started applying for it.  I've been in my home for almost two years now.  I don't plan on being here forever, but I'm so thankful that there are programs available to help you get on your feet.

This time of year gets pretty difficult for me emotionally mainly because I still feel like I've lost so much.  I feel that I'm constantly struggling to get back what was taken from me and that it's a hopeless battle.  What's even more stressing is holiday travel.  I have to invent money so I can spend holidays with all of my children.  I also have to constantly make changes to my goals because of the constant big changes my family is dealing with.

I don't usually worry about Christmas gifts.  I love being able to shop for people, but I don't sweat it if I don't have the funds.  Christmas isn't about what you spend financially on others.  It's about celebrating the greatest gift of all.  Jesus Christ.  He was born to die.  He died for all our little struggles in life.  He died for our sins.  Even if I feel like I'm fighting hopelessly or if I'm in a tight place, I can be reminded that all this stuff is temporary.

I also understand that there is always someone in a more difficult situation that than me.  This year, we are receiving Christmas gifts through donations from Toy for Tots.  If you don't know what it is, Toys for Tots is a charity, run by the US Marine Corps, that takes new toys to be given to less fortunate children.  They usually collect the toys starting in October for the Christmas season.  I am the face of one of the recipients.  I have also donated in the past.  Children don't understand much about financial situations.  I don't think they really care about how much money the family has as long as they feel safe, secure, and loved. They do understand toys, and don't care about how much they cost.

This time of year is the biggest time that people find it in their hearts to help someone less fortunate.  Don't just think about others during Christmas, but all year.  My budget is pretty non-existent these days, but I have always kept in mind to set aside something so that I can share.  It may not be much, but remember if millions are setting aside a little bit, think of how much there would be to give.

We like to open our hearts and dream big near the end of the year.  Don't lose that.  Ever.  God has given to us so that we can freely give to others all the time.

Keep It Moving!

I've been in and out of piles and piles of things to do.  I've been crunched and crushed and stretched and spread, but I cannot take a break from saving money!  I get into moments where I end up spending more than intended...but we'll talk about that another time.

Recently, I received an elliptical through Freecycle.  The only thing wrong with it was the resistance couldn't be adjusted (and I had to figure out if I had room for it).  I figured out that I could make room for it and I fixed the resistance.  I am now aiming to workout daily for 30 minutes or more.  I would like to get back down to size.  I moved my Xbox upstairs for a few days, so I could watch my shows and workout at the same time.  I like that.  Keeps me from focusing too much on the exercise and I won't be taking away precious study time with TV.

Coming up, I've got a court hearing on Thursday regarding child custody.  It's been a long road and of course, it's not over yet. There are so many feelings that well up regarding the whole situation.  Mainly, I don't want to lose my children.  I don't believe that will happen, but I've been dealing with someone(s) who have made every effort to do just that to me.  Currently, things seem different in how the issue is approached, but nonetheless, they want the same outcome as before.  I don't see any drastic changes being made as far as the all the children being given over to me or to him.  I think the most likely thing would be that the judge will rule for things to stay as they are (as if it ain't broke).  I don't think I can emotionally prepare myself for whatever possibilities could come up, but I continue to follow the encouragement and wisdom from my loved ones.  To pray is the biggest and best advice I'm given.  That will help to calm my anxieties and give me peace.  It also helps me to stop trying to control the situation, because really I have no control.  The hardest thing for me to think (and I think it more often than I should) is did God have me have children only to take them away and have someone else raise them?!  What can I do?!  KEEP IT MOVING!  I have to be able to roll with the punches (even if they knock me out for a few days).

What else have I been doing?  Well, I've been fixing other things.  It's what I do!  I got a cross-cut shredder from the thrift store for $10.  It's pretty nice.  The only problem is that it will run, but after a few seconds one of the shafts will stop rotating.  Turns out, a metal gear has lost two teeth.  So I need to find a company that will have the gear I need.  I might have to get it made. I would also like to get back into the PS2 since the reset button also opens the disc tray and the eject button does nothing.

I am one more step to getting hired!  I applied for a job with Montgomery County to be a traffic enforcement field technician.  I've been waiting patiently and watching my application status updates.  I applied Aug 19 and the same day my status was changed from "active application" to "rater review."  Just this past Wednesday, the status was changed to "qualified after review."  I'm excited!  I hope they find me the best one out of all the applications!  I would then have a new full-time job that's close to home.  I know I shouldn't get too excited, because anything could happen.  However, it's nice to know that I applied for a job that I feel I'm able to do and the employer feels the same way.  I can't tell you how many jobs I've applied for, knowing full-well I could get the job done right, but the employer didn't feel the same way.

I have cancelled my account with The Grocery Game :(.  Just to save $12.50 a month.  I do plan on going back to it, but my food stamp amount has changed drastically and it plays a big part in what I have from my paycheck to cover everything.  I've cut a few other things to help save money.  There isn't anymore cutting I can do at this point, since everything else is utilities or insurance.  You can still save money without relying totally on The Grocery Game!  TGG just makes it so much easier to get organized!  Remember to check the sales papers for the stores in your area for the best deals.  Check for coupons on those items for an even bigger discount.  TGG would do this for you (even telling you which newspaper has which coupon), but you can manage without it, if you had to.  There are discount stores like Aldi or Bottom Dollar that have much cheaper groceries than larger chains.  Don't hesitate to check them out (and take your coupons with you!)

I've got quite a bit on my plate right now, but I'm still going.  I'll put up some pics of my "projects" later.  I'm at work right now and do not have any on me...

Braggin' Off Some Steam!

Labor Day, Monday Sept 5 this year, I decided to go out to my local thrift store and take advantage of 50% off.  I was met with hundreds of others with the same idea.  I really wanted to get a bedspread for my bed and a little something for Mr. Ryan (especially if he was a good boy in the store).  There were so many people, I decided not to get a cart, as there wasn't much room to maneuver.  We went to the blanket aisle, where there weren't so many people, picked out a nice light shade of green, then to the toy aisle.  Too many people looking at toys!  I found a LeapPad (one that wasn't pink) like this one here.

Just with three things, I decided it was time to go.  Ryan wanted to look at more toys, but I had enough of the large crowd.  We were able to skip to the front of the line because we didn't get carried away with shopping.  The lady rang up two items, including the blanket, then she looked for a price on the LeapPad.  There was no price written on it, so she sat it aside.  *GASP!*  She said I couldn't buy it because there was no price written on it.  I asked if there was someone I could talk to who could tell me.  She said, "no."  Now I don't know if it was because someone mistakenly put out the toy she wanted to take home to her children, or any other reason it had to stay.  I was pretty crushed (and it's not like it was a big deal).

I decided that we would go back the next day.  There are some really good deals everyday at the thrift store.  It's always better when you have some time to relax and find those hidden treasures.  Ryan and I returned the next day.  I was able to breathe and we found some really cool things.  One of which was a My First LeapPad, which came with a book.  Ryan had one before, but it stopped working and (aside from changing batteries) I didn't feel like trying to figure it out.  We also found some books and cartridges to go with it.  We also found a Leapster that was in working condition!  Grabbed that sucker, too!  Feeling pretty good about the things that were in my cart, mostly for Ryan, I continued browsing.  In the electronics, I found lots of cables and controllers for all kinds of things.  I will probably go back once I start working on this broken PS2 I've acquired.

In the furniture and appliance section, I found this little baby.  Normally retails (brand new) for $119.  The link I've provided shows $44.88.  I got it for $14.99.

Either way, I saved a TON of money.  Once I got it home, I looked for a website that could have a manual.  Euroflex does not provide manuals, unless you call customer service. :(  No biggie.  I made my own mop pads, using microfiber towels that I decided I didn't want to use.  $2 for a 2-pack from Forman Mills.  I used a bit of an old t-shirt and a Sham-wow for padding.

One gross thing about it was not the amount of dust that had built up on it, but what was inside.  There was nasty water inside and chunks of what I believe to be calcium.  I think the previous owner may have had hard water.  Of course that needed to be cleaned out.  The mop doesn't take more than 10oz of water (about 1.25 cups)  I used a cup of water and added 1/4 cup of vinegar and turned it.  I was hoping to try and mop that day...but it didn't work.  Decided to let the vinegar water sit for a couple nights.

Today, I emptied out the tank and filled it with a cup of water.  I decided to lay the handle down on the floor as the mop heated up.  After a few minutes, it was steaming.  A few passes proved that it worked.  Of course, my floor was not vacuumed beforehand, so...use your imagination.

I think after a few uses, I'll have it completely cleaned out.  I will make a few more pads as well.  I'm so proud of myself!

What have we been up to?

Well, it's been almost a month since my last post.  I'm sure you've been wondering what's been going on.  Well, I'll tell you.  I've been looking for a job that I could do from home.  I haven't found one yet, full-time, but I have begun training as a public adjuster.  I have to go to classes and take the exam for my license.  That's all been going pretty well.  I hope to find some lifelong clients.

In other news, Ryan is still home with me, for the time being.  I will begin searching for a school for him.  He's 3 and will turn 4 in December.  Next year will be time for preschool!  I would like to home-school, but I'm a little concerned with my lack of organization.  Perhaps, I'll revisit that in the near future.  He and I have been running around being silly...

As I mentioned, I've been very disorganized lately.  It's been a combination of emotional and physical.  I've been pretty strong for the most part, but there are still some days where I can't function at 100%.  I miss my girlies that much.  For the last week, I've been fighting a cold.  It took me down for about a day and a half, which is normal.  But yesterday, the sucker came back!  I'm feeling better, but not completely there yet.

As far as saving money goes...I haven't been spending much!  There are a LOT of advantages to not having to drive an hour to work everyday or pay for childcare.  Ryan and I don't really eat much between the two of us, so we're okay on a $200 monthly food budget.  You would like to think that me being at home would give way to a lot of free time...ha!  Any housewife or stay at home mom knows better!

One of the things I'm working on is a schedule.  I need to come up with a schedule of regular things I do around the house.  I've learned that you don't have to cram everything in 2 days to have order in your home. Just break it down.  Do one room a day or do a few different things (cleaning the bathroom and take out the trash) each day.  If you keep this up along with remembering to pick up when you mess up, before you know it you'll find you don't have to sweat as hard to maintain.  Incidentally, since I haven't really been doing any shopping, I also haven't been clipping my coupons.  Remember that no matter how much shopping you do, you can always use coupons!

And one last thing...I'm still looking to do something different with  my living room.  If you can come up with some neat ideas, let me know.  My color palette has been decided.

I don't think it looks terrible.  I just want to clean it up a bit and add something(s) to the walls.  The other side of the room, however...

...is pretty bare and cluttered.  I would like to either paint or cover the file cabinet, paint the desk, cover the chair, and add something to the walls.  I think the living room is my most challenging room....it's also usually the most neglected...

I hope all is well with you!  Give me some ideas, if you've got any!

How to get back to it...

The last time I saw my darlings was Tuesday. I dropped them off at their father's house and there were quite a few people helping to pack and load the moving truck. I had offered to help, if there was anything that needed to be done, but in reality couldn't stay much longer. I was just about to break down, when Ryan said, "let's go, Mommy."

This week has been very hard for me. I have been so down, it's not funny. I don't even know what's been really keeping me going (of course I do, it's been God Almighty, but I really don't know how He does it. I'm just glad He does). I got a chance to talk to my girls via Google Talk, but last night was so difficult.

Tonight, I'm working and I'm feeling okay. I didn't get the chance to talk to them today. I wasn't feeling well and slept all day. Tonight, I'm working (but I'll be off very soon!). I was hoping that even at work, I would get a chance to call the girls or video chat for a few minutes, but it's been so busy. I haven't even had much time to eat my bowl full of cherries.

I miss them terribly. That's an understatement. Though I miss them, I have to be sure to keep moving ahead. I've come so far. I'm still not where I want to be, but right now is where I need to be, until the next step. Currently, I'm looking at my options to figure the best way to move. Picking yourself up is not possible. There are too many people and resources to not accept help and encouragement. I'm not saying to use others, per se, but try not to get caught up in your pride.

I struggle with that. It's not so much pride, but I really don't want to be a burden on others. I have to forget that though, because if someone else needed, my help, I would want them to come to me. We should all be like that.

I need to write my goals down and the steps to take to get there. Since being shot in the heart (figuratively), I've let some things go. My appetite has gotten out of hand, my house is un-tamable, and my emotions are down more than they are up. I need to consciously and actively work to keep these things at bay, so that I don't slip into a depression. I think I may have talked about this previously... I sure did. I touched on ways to help eliminate stress. I will have to follow my own advice.

...The Unknown pt 2...

Well, yesterday's hearing could've only had one outcome out of a few possibilities. The judge allowed for my two girls to go to Florida with their dad. I cannot express the level of heartbreak right now. Being positive in this situation is hard work and very exhausting. Since we have to have a hearing for modification for custody and visitation, this perhaps may not be the end.

I'm afraid that now they are able to move down there, perhaps the future judge will not want to move them back. Right now, as always, I have to keep trusting in God. None of us have control over our lives. Even the crummy things that come up are all part of His plan. Everything will be okay in the end. This is why when I pray, of course I ask for the things that I want, but I also ask that even if God doesn't grant me those desires, that I can be satisfied with what He chooses to do.

I hope that you can pray for this as well...and try not to be too disappointed when not everything works out the way you think it should. Just take my divorce for example. I was a very shy, low self-esteem kind of person. After getting divorced, I've been through a series of events that have led to me being a much stronger person. I used to be terrified of my ex-husband, now I can look him in the eye and tell him how I feel about something, without shaking in fear. That's just one thing, but it's a huge one!

Don't lose hope! You might be in a bad situation now, but it could always be worse! Remember that you don't have control of your life, God does. If you trust in Him, he will give you peace in whatever state you are in. Right now, I'm heading out for some comfort food at my local 24-hour CVS. I'm using extracare bucks and coupons! Even in sad times, always save that money!

The Unknown...

We all want to be prepared for the future, right?! Well, as much as we plan and prepare and make notes, etc., the future will be what it will be. Sometimes, our dreams don't come true. Sometimes, our minds change. We can't look at everything as a disaster, but we have to try and keep in mind that everything happens for a reason...and that all things work together for the greater good.

These are tough words to live by, I know. In the midst of difficulties, I struggle with remembering that I'm not in control of my life (though I like to think I am sometimes). God is. He takes the good things and the bad things and use them to grow me stronger. Better. And ultimately closer to Him.

I know this is my frugal, money-saving blog, but I've been away for a while for a pretty big reason. My ex-husband has recently announced his plan to move to Florida and his desire to take all three of my children with him. This isn't something that has taken months to think about or work out. I just found out two weeks ago. His plan is to move down there at the beginning of next week. He's even already registered my girls in school down there.

I have to say that I've been devastated. I have been fighting for a balance in my children's lives...the chance for them to be together, but have equal opportunity to spend with their father and myself. Every step along the way, I've been met with absolute opposition. It has only been recently, when he's decided to move, that he's been approaching me differently. I don't know whether to believe his sincerity or learn from the previous lessons of being ambushed.

Tomorrow, we have a hearing at 2pm. I can't speak for my ex-husband. I can only go off of what he says and does. He claims that he has their best interests at heart, but based on his previous actions, I can see otherwise. I love my children dearly and have lost time with them for the sake of keeping peace. I would do anything for their sake, but I wouldn't give them up so easily.

I wouldn't ask anything of you, other than to pray. Pray for wisdom on my behalf, on my ex-husband's behalf, and on the judge's behalf. Pray for justice, for peace. Pray for a decision that would truly be the best solution for my children (not just what I speculate and not just what my ex-husband speculates). And above all, pray that whatever the outcome, both my ex-husband and myself can be satisfied with that.

The fight over child custody is always an ugly one (even if there isn't much of a fight and the adults are able to work something out). No matter which parent/guardian is the "winner", the children are always the losers. Their family is still split, a good ways off from where it's supposed to be, and they have to deal with so many changes. Life is naturally full of changes, but a broken family is filled with unnatural changes as well.

Of course I want them to stay with me forever. I gave birth to them. I vowed myself to them for the rest of my life. They are my babies...

Back to reality!

Well folks, we really enjoyed our vacation time. I got to spend an entire week with my babies before spending an extended weekend with them in Ocean City. I think I will make O.C., MD our annual destination (provided I book the room sooner) every summer. We always have a good time.

Now it's back to the grind! I'm back at work this weekend. I will be working the next two full weeks and from there it will be weekends only at the hotel. Obviously, I won't be making the same money, but I will no longer require $400 worth of gas every month, or $500 for childcare. Those were the only things my check covered anyway, so I guess I'm not really losing out, am I? I will be entering school this fall, so not working full time will give way to study. I'm absolutely determined to not remain on welfare. I know I'm qualified to do many jobs, but because I don't possess a degree, it's been a hard road. I hope that the completion of my bachelor's degree will open up at least a few more doors for me.

Ryan's daycare provider has been preparing to move her daycare and offer more to her children. It's been a long road, but we shall see this coming week, what will be. She has prepared a space for Spanish curriculum, which I would be teaching 3 days a week. Very exciting!

Lots of stuff going on. I miss just lazying about in the pool. But it's good to take a break for a bit, so that you can be refreshed to get back to it!

Back to savings!

Be sure to pick up a Greenbagtag from CVS. You can earn $1 in Extra Care Bucks every 4th visit you use it. If you are not an Extra Care card carrier, I urge you to sign up right away. It's free, and when you buy certain products you can earn even more Extra Care Bucks that you can use (like cash) on future visits. Don't throw those receipts out because your ECBs will be on there.

From Sunday 7/10/11 to Saturday 7/16/11 Staples has a pretty good back-to-school sale going on. In my area, you can find things like a pack of pens or a pack of erasers for a penny! Check the weekly ad in your area to see if you can take advantage! I'm certainly going to stop by to get a few things.

Restaurant.com has 80% off gift certificate sale going on. Use the promo code SUN between Sunday 7/10/11 to Wednesday 7/13/11 to receive this special savings.

I'll always be checking for more savings, so keep checking back!

Things to do for those around you...

Today was a big day for me. I went on my first sales call! It wasn't just a sales call...it was one that I made the first contact and worked to arrange a meeting time. I went to Six Flags today. There was a lovely lady (by the name of Darlene Blevins) who handles group sales and events. She showed me and my general manager a little bit of the park and we talked about things we could offer our hotel guests. We would be able to sell tickets as a part of a package for our hotel guests at a pretty good rate. She talked about upcoming ideas she wanted to implement to give local kids something to do. That got me thinking.

Perhaps the same could be done for low-income kids. If offered a lower rate, I'm sure some low-income families wouldn't mind paying for park tickets. But why stop there? Perhaps there are things for the kids to do in the area that could either be cheap or free. Our housing manager for our housing authority (Mr. Peet) has some good money-raising ideas that the kids could also be involved with to help pay for costs. It would sure beat sitting around every day during the summer.

Even if not all days are filled with activities, there should be some things here and there available for them to look forward to doing. Also giving them a part in raising money for their activities should not only give them a sense of responsibility, but help them to know what it feels like to reap the benefits of their hard work.

If you have any ideas (namely those that don't cost too much or are free), please let me know! A few ideas that I'm working with:
* Trip to D.C.
* Swimming at a local pool
* Picnics
* Trips to the zoo

Don't Hate The Grocery Game

I'm just a player!

I haven't been doing much in the way of shopping lately. Usually, I'm spending hours every 1 - 2 weeks with grocery planning and shopping. Now, I'm spending less time. Since I've started the Grocery Game, I haven't had to keep going out to the store as much as before. I've been able to stock up a little bit on some things.

Today, I spent some time gathering my coupons. It really wouldn't have taken as long as it did if I hadn't let the newspapers pile up over the last month or so. I'm also working on a better filing system. I haven't decided what works best for me yet. I have some coupons sorted, in hanging file folders, by date. When I pull up my shopping list from the grocery game, I can go right to that particular date and insert and find the coupon(s) I need. The other method I'm trying out is clipping the coupons ahead of time that I'm likely to use and sort them in an organizer by type. The latter seems to be the messier way of doing things for me. It seems that at the time I may feel a coupon is useless, then I see that I can get the item for dirt-cheap, I can't find it when I go looking for it! When I just keep the inserts sorted by date, nothing gets pre-cut, so everything stays put, until I need it or it expires and it's time to purge.

I've seen people with rather large 3-ring binders with plastic inserts sorting their coupons. When I go to the store, I usually have a child or set of children with me. I would rather not take something large and bulky with me. So, I keep 2 coupon organizers with me. They fit nicely in my purse and can each hold quite a bit. One keeps my coupons that I have pre-selected for each store's shopping list. The other has the rest of the coupons I've already clipped, in case I find something else I wanted. Those other coupons are sorted by category.

All in all, I'm doing alright with the coupon clipping. I'm thinking about giving a little more time and maybe venturing away from the Grocery Game, to see if I am still able to save. Since I don't have much leftover after bills and other obligations are covered, I could probably use the $10 a month for something else. At the same time, I love the convenience. The grocery game makes it so much easier for me to get the maximum savings and it saves me a lot of time with sales research. I think I will stick it out a bit longer, especially when I'm spending $10 a month, but saving over $100...I really don't think that's a bad trade-off...

I wonder who has some TGG tips to save even more? or how to really stay organized?