Loving the Unlovable

Today's Verse of the Day really got my attention. Luke 6:28 (ESV) says "bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you."

Photo by Dev Asangbam on Unsplash

I don't think I remember hearing the word "abuse" in that text before. It really stood out to me today.

Constantly in the New Testament, Jesus is saying to love your enemies. He knows it's dang near impossible for us to do that. I mean, come on! Can you really love on someone who has it out for you? Someone who has or is abusing you?

I have examples of folks I know who grew up in abusive households. Some of those people have been able to forgive their abuser. Some have not. And there is a huge difference in how those decisions (to forgive or not) have affected them.

We are called to forgive for different reasons. And no, it's not really all about you. Or the other person.

God doesn't downplay your hurt or frustration. He understands where you're coming from, but He has a better way. One that will bring peace to your life. It will bring you closer to being like Jesus. Because it reflects what kind of God He is.

You need to remember that you were dead in your transgressions, but Jesus loved you anyway. Yes. He died for you while you were still His enemy (Romans 5:10). He didn't wait until we would say, "I'm sorry." He already forgave us before we even thought about repenting!

And it doesn't stop there! He still proceeds to love and care for you, interceding on your behalf while sitting at God's right hand in Heaven (Romans 8:34)!

Let's look at His example and see how we can imitate him.

My ex-husband was my abuser. For many years, I didn't understand the nature of our relationship but it was painful and kept me captive to a worsening self-esteem. Eventually, I would realize that I struggled with hating him. I was incredibly resentful because of not just how he treated me but because of how he was treating my children. 

I know we're not supposed to hate. We're even called to love our enemies (and boy, was he my enemy!), but how was I supposed to do that when there was no remorse on his part and he was actively hurting his family? Some friends have talked to me about forgiveness (so I now have a few books on the subject). I didn't realize that I needed to forgive him. And I really didn't want to, if I'm being honest.  There were a few things that I didn't quite understand about what it means to forgive.

Forgiving the other party doesn't excuse them from their wrongdoings.

You're not giving them a free pass for their sin, but you're choosing not to continue to hold it against them. This can be really hard to do when the other party is continuing to do harm. One of the things that my ex-husband would do is to take control of every conversation and even makeup "facts" along the way. Once I started to forgive him (repeatedly), I was able to take a step back and actually address this issue calmly. 

I guess it was kinda like my "line in the sand." Remembering that without God's grace, I'm just as wretched. Loving your enemy means that, no matter what, you'll do what's right and good for them. Think about raising children. Having to change a diaper may seem like a declaration of war, as your baby may not want to cooperate. They may fight and scream and cry, but that diaper really needs to be changed for their health and safety (and for the relief of noses in the vicinity). As a parent, there are many times when you have to do or declare things that your children will want to fight you on. You don't just leave them based on how they feel, but what's actually good for them.

Loving your enemies is the same way. They are human just like you. They also need Jesus. 

I have heard unforgiveness being likened to drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Think about it...they're just going about living their lives....and you're just stewing. You are creating an unhappy environment for yourself and keeping yourself from living your own life (you also run the risk of developing a hatred for them, as I had done. Trust me, it's not worth it!).

If you're struggling to forgive, it's okay. It doesn't often come easy. Think of it as an exercise that you have to revisit regularly before it gets easier. Keep praying to the Lord about it. Stay in the Word for guidance and understanding. Maintain a support group to help keep you encouraged and accountable. Repent.

I don't have any timelines on how long this may take. God could be bringing you through years of growth in this area or maybe a couple of months.

Can you look back and see an area where you've grown?

I can, but it's always easier to do when someone else notices for me. 😅

Currently, I'm trying to overhaul my home and my habits. Boy is there a lot to be done!

I've finally reconciled with the fact that I *might* be somewhat of a hoarder. Keeping my home organized has been a struggle since my first marriage. I'm learning a lot about my own mind and emotions and how they tie in with everyday things.

I've been learning to be patient and give myself some grace (something I tell my kids all the time, but I struggle to follow my own advice). I've also been learning how to create a routine that I can handle (it's still a work on progress) while taking extra steps to deep clean/declutter.

Once I've gotten through all the rooms of the house, it will be easier to maintain regular cleaning/picking up (I assume 🤞).

I've definitely grown less attached to things and have been enjoying a season of throw-it-out. 🤣 There's so much freedom in letting go and getting it done!

I used to struggle with inactivity because of the desire to get everything right and done. I've been working on this. Perfectionism is no good. It can lead to doing too much or not doing anything.

This business that I do has been a part of this area of growth for me. I tend to want to read and study and know everything there is to know before I talk to someone else about it.

My leader (and friend) has been very encouraging. "Done is better than perfect" is my new catchphrase. It doesn't mean to just throw something together. It means that every tiny detail doesn't have to be exact. And it means you can cross this off your list and move on to the next success.

I'm becoming free from the chains I put myself in.

Is there an area of your life where you need a little push? Could you use some support/encouragement?

How to Save a Life

 If you could save someone's life, would you?

What if I told you I had the words of eternal life?
Would you ask for more details?
Would you call me crazy and send me off?

What if I told you that you can truly live life abundantly? That you can live out the rest of your days knowing that there is really nothing to fear?

Should I worry about your reaction when I offer these words?

If you answered "no," you are correct. I shouldn't worry about losing your friendship when it comes to making sure you get what you need. Not necessarily what you want (though I want to see you happy, too 😊).

Yet, I fail to do this good thing time and again. I'm sorry!

Not today!

You need to know that you are dead in your sins. That you've offended an holy God and need to repent. You also need to know that He has made a way for you to get right with Him and He takes responsibility for you.

You don't need to be afraid of condemnation or judgement when you believe this and trust in Him. You don't have to worry about doing or being "enough" to win God's favor.

You're not meant to live life on your terms. You didn't create yourself. But you can walk with your head held high because, thank God, you don't have keep relying on yourself!

If you have questions or something to add, feel free to reach out. You were created on purpose for a purpose and I want you to live that out. ❤️

Standing In Not Standing Out

I don't like to stand out. But I don't strive to be like everyone else either.

Photo by Eric Prouzet on Unsplash

I hope that makes sense.

For example, I'm an alto but the alto part is usually the harmony. If I can't pick out or even hear the harmony I will just sing soprano (or tenor). I don't always have the ear or the confidence to figure out the harmony as we sing together. (Yes, I recognize that confidence is something you build by doing the thing).

I'm not seeking to fit in for the sake of inclusion. I just don't want to wreck the good thing the group has going on (I do acknowledge the my perception may be skewed).

I usually default to the behind-the-scenes task work. I'm usually the person who will show up a little early and help with setting up. Or I'll stay longer to help with cleanup. I enjoy watching people interacting with one another and having a good time at functions. You don't have to feel bad about not talking to me a whole lot at a party or event.

I'm usually so glad you thought of me at all and will enjoy being present. I like to take notice of the work you put in and bask in your achievements. You're pretty awesome!

I never thought that my quirky preferences and introverted personality would be useful in business.

I've heard so much about how "you gotta get out there and talk to people." It seems that extroverts make better salespeople and influencers.

Well, I can assure you that if you're an introvert and you don't like to be the center of attention, you can be super successful in business.

While you do have to talk to people and make connections, you still get to make real friends in the process and can do the behind-the-scenes back office work. Your interactions can (and should) be genuine.

Being an introvert means that you are refreshed and renewed by spending time alone. Extroverts need time with people to gain their energy (so they can really struggle when business slows down).

If you're like me, you will enjoy celebrating others and feel privileged to share in their burdens without feeling the need to inject yourself every time.

You can do this, no matter your personality and preferences. There's a spot for you. ❤️

Resolved

We're just a few days into the new year and I'm hearing about everyone's resolutions.

Photo by Fuu J for Unsplash (recolored by me).

The biggest one I hear the most is to lose weight. It's a pretty big deal as we age. It's harder to lose weight as we get older and so many other changes happen that it's hard to keep track or stay on top of things.

I'm having my own weight battles, too. After not weighing myself for about a week, I was unpleasantly surprised by the number on the scale. And I'm sure it's more than the usual "holiday eating," but it's pretty scary to think that even with effort, the numbers might go in the "wrong" direction.

I can do one of a few things:

• Give up, since it's clear I can't do this healthy thing.
• Go much harder and be more strict with myself
• Keep going. Keeping a steady pace.

What do you think I choose?

I'm gonna keep going. I don't usually get caught up in making a new year's resolution because I'm the type of person that will make unrealistic goals and do waaay too much in the beginning then fizzle out. This approach isn't sustainable for me. I'm going to follow through with maintaining my small habits.

I'm going to take the next step as if nothing happened. Weight loss (like other things we strive for in life) is not linear. There are so many factors that contribute to your day-to-day numbers on the scale. Besides, though I'm heavier, I haven't gained any inches. My clothes still fit the same. 🤷‍♀️

Consistency will keep it trending downward. Small steps lead to the big changes. When you lose sight of that, you will fret. Don't forget that getting to your goal happens bit by bit. You will traverse hills and valleys throughout your journey. Starting the course will get you to your destination (not constantly starting and stopping or trying to sprint here and there).

I'm so grateful to be able to be at peace with myself in these moments. It has certainly taken much time and prayer for me to get to this place. ❤️

May you be blessed on your journey as well!

Time Flies

Photo by Marco López on Unsplash

Early this morning, I'm dropping off my boy at the airport.

We had such a good visit.

These years of having to visit with my kiddos and send them back have been difficult.

I've questioned whether my time with them was beneficial to them. I struggled with wanting more for them. And I've had a hard time understanding why God would give them to me, only to keep them from me full-time.

It is by God's grace that these send-offs have become easier over time. "See you later" really feels like we'll see each other again. And I've been able to see that my mothering (even from a distance) has been real and beneficial to my babies.

God also used the time spent apart to grow and develop me. I've learned so much over these years and I believe I'm better off for them as I am now.

I'm looking forward to future visits and all the things we'll get into!

Do you always have to relate?

Sometimes when someone comes to you with a problem or a struggle it can be helpful to give a personal anecdote so that they know that you truly understand. However, don't feel that you need to do this every time.

This can be seen as making the situation about you and that is not helpful at all. It can cause the other person to lose trust in you. It can also be seen as downplaying their situation. Unfortunately, I can't tell you exactly when it will be beneficial. You have to know the person, to an extent, and read the conversation.

Even if the other person may think that you are making it about yourself, be apologetic and refrain from sharing your personal experiences at the time. The reality is that we all can truly relate to one another, even if we don't share the exact same experiences. However, sometimes we don't have to explain how or why this is possible. First and foremost, just be present. Listen and comfort as best you can.