Loving the Unlovable

Today's Verse of the Day really got my attention. Luke 6:28 (ESV) says "bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you."

Photo by Dev Asangbam on Unsplash

I don't think I remember hearing the word "abuse" in that text before. It really stood out to me today.

Constantly in the New Testament, Jesus is saying to love your enemies. He knows it's dang near impossible for us to do that. I mean, come on! Can you really love on someone who has it out for you? Someone who has or is abusing you?

I have examples of folks I know who grew up in abusive households. Some of those people have been able to forgive their abuser. Some have not. And there is a huge difference in how those decisions (to forgive or not) have affected them.

We are called to forgive for different reasons. And no, it's not really all about you. Or the other person.

God doesn't downplay your hurt or frustration. He understands where you're coming from, but He has a better way. One that will bring peace to your life. It will bring you closer to being like Jesus. Because it reflects what kind of God He is.

You need to remember that you were dead in your transgressions, but Jesus loved you anyway. Yes. He died for you while you were still His enemy (Romans 5:10). He didn't wait until we would say, "I'm sorry." He already forgave us before we even thought about repenting!

And it doesn't stop there! He still proceeds to love and care for you, interceding on your behalf while sitting at God's right hand in Heaven (Romans 8:34)!

Let's look at His example and see how we can imitate him.

My ex-husband was my abuser. For many years, I didn't understand the nature of our relationship but it was painful and kept me captive to a worsening self-esteem. Eventually, I would realize that I struggled with hating him. I was incredibly resentful because of not just how he treated me but because of how he was treating my children. 

I know we're not supposed to hate. We're even called to love our enemies (and boy, was he my enemy!), but how was I supposed to do that when there was no remorse on his part and he was actively hurting his family? Some friends have talked to me about forgiveness (so I now have a few books on the subject). I didn't realize that I needed to forgive him. And I really didn't want to, if I'm being honest.  There were a few things that I didn't quite understand about what it means to forgive.

Forgiving the other party doesn't excuse them from their wrongdoings.

You're not giving them a free pass for their sin, but you're choosing not to continue to hold it against them. This can be really hard to do when the other party is continuing to do harm. One of the things that my ex-husband would do is to take control of every conversation and even makeup "facts" along the way. Once I started to forgive him (repeatedly), I was able to take a step back and actually address this issue calmly. 

I guess it was kinda like my "line in the sand." Remembering that without God's grace, I'm just as wretched. Loving your enemy means that, no matter what, you'll do what's right and good for them. Think about raising children. Having to change a diaper may seem like a declaration of war, as your baby may not want to cooperate. They may fight and scream and cry, but that diaper really needs to be changed for their health and safety (and for the relief of noses in the vicinity). As a parent, there are many times when you have to do or declare things that your children will want to fight you on. You don't just leave them based on how they feel, but what's actually good for them.

Loving your enemies is the same way. They are human just like you. They also need Jesus. 

I have heard unforgiveness being likened to drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Think about it...they're just going about living their lives....and you're just stewing. You are creating an unhappy environment for yourself and keeping yourself from living your own life (you also run the risk of developing a hatred for them, as I had done. Trust me, it's not worth it!).

If you're struggling to forgive, it's okay. It doesn't often come easy. Think of it as an exercise that you have to revisit regularly before it gets easier. Keep praying to the Lord about it. Stay in the Word for guidance and understanding. Maintain a support group to help keep you encouraged and accountable. Repent.

I don't have any timelines on how long this may take. God could be bringing you through years of growth in this area or maybe a couple of months.

Can you look back and see an area where you've grown?

I can, but it's always easier to do when someone else notices for me. 😅

Currently, I'm trying to overhaul my home and my habits. Boy is there a lot to be done!

I've finally reconciled with the fact that I *might* be somewhat of a hoarder. Keeping my home organized has been a struggle since my first marriage. I'm learning a lot about my own mind and emotions and how they tie in with everyday things.

I've been learning to be patient and give myself some grace (something I tell my kids all the time, but I struggle to follow my own advice). I've also been learning how to create a routine that I can handle (it's still a work on progress) while taking extra steps to deep clean/declutter.

Once I've gotten through all the rooms of the house, it will be easier to maintain regular cleaning/picking up (I assume 🤞).

I've definitely grown less attached to things and have been enjoying a season of throw-it-out. 🤣 There's so much freedom in letting go and getting it done!

I used to struggle with inactivity because of the desire to get everything right and done. I've been working on this. Perfectionism is no good. It can lead to doing too much or not doing anything.

This business that I do has been a part of this area of growth for me. I tend to want to read and study and know everything there is to know before I talk to someone else about it.

My leader (and friend) has been very encouraging. "Done is better than perfect" is my new catchphrase. It doesn't mean to just throw something together. It means that every tiny detail doesn't have to be exact. And it means you can cross this off your list and move on to the next success.

I'm becoming free from the chains I put myself in.

Is there an area of your life where you need a little push? Could you use some support/encouragement?

How to Save a Life

 If you could save someone's life, would you?

What if I told you I had the words of eternal life?
Would you ask for more details?
Would you call me crazy and send me off?

What if I told you that you can truly live life abundantly? That you can live out the rest of your days knowing that there is really nothing to fear?

Should I worry about your reaction when I offer these words?

If you answered "no," you are correct. I shouldn't worry about losing your friendship when it comes to making sure you get what you need. Not necessarily what you want (though I want to see you happy, too 😊).

Yet, I fail to do this good thing time and again. I'm sorry!

Not today!

You need to know that you are dead in your sins. That you've offended an holy God and need to repent. You also need to know that He has made a way for you to get right with Him and He takes responsibility for you.

You don't need to be afraid of condemnation or judgement when you believe this and trust in Him. You don't have to worry about doing or being "enough" to win God's favor.

You're not meant to live life on your terms. You didn't create yourself. But you can walk with your head held high because, thank God, you don't have keep relying on yourself!

If you have questions or something to add, feel free to reach out. You were created on purpose for a purpose and I want you to live that out. ❤️

Standing In Not Standing Out

I don't like to stand out. But I don't strive to be like everyone else either.

Photo by Eric Prouzet on Unsplash

I hope that makes sense.

For example, I'm an alto but the alto part is usually the harmony. If I can't pick out or even hear the harmony I will just sing soprano (or tenor). I don't always have the ear or the confidence to figure out the harmony as we sing together. (Yes, I recognize that confidence is something you build by doing the thing).

I'm not seeking to fit in for the sake of inclusion. I just don't want to wreck the good thing the group has going on (I do acknowledge the my perception may be skewed).

I usually default to the behind-the-scenes task work. I'm usually the person who will show up a little early and help with setting up. Or I'll stay longer to help with cleanup. I enjoy watching people interacting with one another and having a good time at functions. You don't have to feel bad about not talking to me a whole lot at a party or event.

I'm usually so glad you thought of me at all and will enjoy being present. I like to take notice of the work you put in and bask in your achievements. You're pretty awesome!

I never thought that my quirky preferences and introverted personality would be useful in business.

I've heard so much about how "you gotta get out there and talk to people." It seems that extroverts make better salespeople and influencers.

Well, I can assure you that if you're an introvert and you don't like to be the center of attention, you can be super successful in business.

While you do have to talk to people and make connections, you still get to make real friends in the process and can do the behind-the-scenes back office work. Your interactions can (and should) be genuine.

Being an introvert means that you are refreshed and renewed by spending time alone. Extroverts need time with people to gain their energy (so they can really struggle when business slows down).

If you're like me, you will enjoy celebrating others and feel privileged to share in their burdens without feeling the need to inject yourself every time.

You can do this, no matter your personality and preferences. There's a spot for you. ❤️

Resolved

We're just a few days into the new year and I'm hearing about everyone's resolutions.

Photo by Fuu J for Unsplash (recolored by me).

The biggest one I hear the most is to lose weight. It's a pretty big deal as we age. It's harder to lose weight as we get older and so many other changes happen that it's hard to keep track or stay on top of things.

I'm having my own weight battles, too. After not weighing myself for about a week, I was unpleasantly surprised by the number on the scale. And I'm sure it's more than the usual "holiday eating," but it's pretty scary to think that even with effort, the numbers might go in the "wrong" direction.

I can do one of a few things:

• Give up, since it's clear I can't do this healthy thing.
• Go much harder and be more strict with myself
• Keep going. Keeping a steady pace.

What do you think I choose?

I'm gonna keep going. I don't usually get caught up in making a new year's resolution because I'm the type of person that will make unrealistic goals and do waaay too much in the beginning then fizzle out. This approach isn't sustainable for me. I'm going to follow through with maintaining my small habits.

I'm going to take the next step as if nothing happened. Weight loss (like other things we strive for in life) is not linear. There are so many factors that contribute to your day-to-day numbers on the scale. Besides, though I'm heavier, I haven't gained any inches. My clothes still fit the same. 🤷‍♀️

Consistency will keep it trending downward. Small steps lead to the big changes. When you lose sight of that, you will fret. Don't forget that getting to your goal happens bit by bit. You will traverse hills and valleys throughout your journey. Starting the course will get you to your destination (not constantly starting and stopping or trying to sprint here and there).

I'm so grateful to be able to be at peace with myself in these moments. It has certainly taken much time and prayer for me to get to this place. ❤️

May you be blessed on your journey as well!

Time Flies

Photo by Marco López on Unsplash

Early this morning, I'm dropping off my boy at the airport.

We had such a good visit.

These years of having to visit with my kiddos and send them back have been difficult.

I've questioned whether my time with them was beneficial to them. I struggled with wanting more for them. And I've had a hard time understanding why God would give them to me, only to keep them from me full-time.

It is by God's grace that these send-offs have become easier over time. "See you later" really feels like we'll see each other again. And I've been able to see that my mothering (even from a distance) has been real and beneficial to my babies.

God also used the time spent apart to grow and develop me. I've learned so much over these years and I believe I'm better off for them as I am now.

I'm looking forward to future visits and all the things we'll get into!

Do you always have to relate?

Sometimes when someone comes to you with a problem or a struggle it can be helpful to give a personal anecdote so that they know that you truly understand. However, don't feel that you need to do this every time.

This can be seen as making the situation about you and that is not helpful at all. It can cause the other person to lose trust in you. It can also be seen as downplaying their situation. Unfortunately, I can't tell you exactly when it will be beneficial. You have to know the person, to an extent, and read the conversation.

Even if the other person may think that you are making it about yourself, be apologetic and refrain from sharing your personal experiences at the time. The reality is that we all can truly relate to one another, even if we don't share the exact same experiences. However, sometimes we don't have to explain how or why this is possible. First and foremost, just be present. Listen and comfort as best you can.

*Insert Screams of Distress Here*

Photo by Christopher Ott on Unsplash

It is sad and humbling to have to admit that I become obsessed when I'm afraid and worried. It drives me to fuss over everything that I could possibly do for anything that could possibly go wrong.

While it's always good to be somewhat prepared for things that may come, it's not okay to think that I possess the ability to be prepared for everything.  I have to remind myself that I can't control everything and (really) learn to let go.

The Bible addresses our worries and anxieties. We are to "cast" our cares upon the Lord. We should be anxious for nothing. That word "cast" means literally to hurl. Throw it away from you and onto the Lord. There are things that are indeed within your control (what you say, how you handle a situation, etc.) and there are things that you cannot control (the weather, how someone else feels, etc.).

Making this distinction is vital.  It will help you to loosen your grip (and maybe actually relax and have some peace). Then you can get down to delegating. Figure out what you can control and the steps that you'll take to move forward. Think about the urgency of each item in this list.  Some things really don't need to be done right now!  Some things are completely unnecessary.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Then from the things that you can't control, determine if it's someone else's responsibility and talk with them about it. The people around you are probably likely to want to help you (and, hopefully, the feeling is mutual).  They will also need to determine whether the thing you want or need is within their ability and a priority.  Communication is super important here.

Maybe this should go before reaching out to others but think about whether something is in God's perfect timing. We really should take the time to pray and study His Word (communication) to know who God is and how he is.  This should help give you peace as you work on trusting Him more than yourself or the people around you.  This is probably the hardest thing for me to do.  I have a tendency to try to solve all the problems that I encounter (even those that don't belong to me!). It's often very hard for me to know if I should have more patience in a situation or if I should be actively doing something.  This discernment comes with time, practice, and humility. You have to be patient and understanding. Give yourself some grace.

Maintain a circle of support. Your supporters don't have to agree with everything you want to do or what you believe. You need people that you can trust to pour out your feelings and bounce ideas off of.  These people will care about you enough to be open and honest with what they think.  They will be able to help you put things into perspective and take some of the burdens off your shoulders.

Even though, I know this...I have a hard time remembering this when things go awry.  I have to be gracious to myself and pick up from where I am now. There is no point in beating myself up for letting myself get so far out of control.  That won't help me. I need to go to God and go to the people around me.

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

No Pressure

Trying to live a Christian life can be met with lots of pressure. There is always the pressure of doing the right thing at all times, appearing to be a "good Christian." If you make a mistake there will be people to tell you about yourself in a heartbeat. Then there is the praise that comes from doing well (rather, what other people think is "doing well"). It's so easy to get caught up in man's good graces, rather than focusing on what it means to be a Christian.

Photo by Yasin Yusuf on Unsplash

It's so easy to criticize others and weigh them against God's word, but have we really taken a closer look at what the Bible teaches? Is it just a collection of inspirational stories that we can insert our personal circumstances into and draw metaphorical strength on what God promised an ancient people?

No. Everything in the Bible should point to God's faithfulness to His people. We are not to focus only on the people themselves. These people that God has chosen had issues. David killed a man for his wife. Jacob had a child with his wife's servant instead of trusting in God's promise of becoming the father of many nations. Not to mention the whole polygamy thing they had going on.... The list of transgressions is endless!

Today, however, let's talk about the prophet Jonah. We all know the story about Jonah being swallowed by a whale and spit out after three days.  Let's take a closer look at this man and how he basically had a bad attitude toward God and other people.

Why was Jonah swallowed by a fish? Because he ran away from what God called him to do. God specifically told Jonah to speak to the people of Nineveh and tell them of the doom that was coming because of their sins. Jonah refused. Decided to go to Tarshish instead! He jumped on a boat and took a nap.  God sent a storm that prevented the boat from making it to dry land. The men in the boat all cried out to their gods, with the hope of being saved. They woke Jonah up and told him to pray also. They even cast lots to find out who was causing this calamity on them and the lot fell on Jonah.

Photo by Jean-Pierre Brungs on Unsplash

Then, Jonah came clean about who he was and what was going on. He told the men that they needed to throw him into the sea to quiet the storm. So the men cried out to God and tossed Jonah into the water.  The storm ended and the men believed in God from this point on. However, God wasn't done with Jonah yet...

He sent a fish to swallow him and hold onto him for three days. Jonah then decided to do what God said and speak out to the people of Nineveh.  They heard him and repented. God didn't destroy them after all, but that made Jonah mad.  He knew God was merciful and would save the people. He didn't think they deserved saving. He wanted them to die in their sins.

He pretty much pouted in the desert after that. God brought up a plant to shade him from the heat for a day, then destroyed it and turned the heat up on Jonah.  Jonah's attitude never improved. He even told God, “Yes, I do well to be angry, angry enough to die.” (Jonah 4:9)

I can honestly say that I act a lot like Jonah.  I sometimes put on my self-righteousness and judge others the same way he did. Then, have the nerve to get mad at God for caring for them! Nevermind, that God has shown the same mercy to me.

Regardless of Jonah acting like my childish self, God still did what he does. People have been saved.  The men on the boat turned away from their idols and believed in the God who created the universe. The people of Nineveh repented and turned away from their sins to worship the one true God.

Keep in mind that even though this life can be difficult with all the expectations of an unrelenting world, God is still faithful to do what He does. He's in the business of restoring and building up, in spite of ourselves. 

Photo by Marek Piwnicki on Unsplash

This should relieve much of the pressure that we face every day.  Even if you mess up and have to repent for your own shortcomings, God is still faithful to keep His promises and to take care of his people. I'm not saying you should just do what you want because God's got this. That's a surefire way to end up on God's bad side. While He does promise grace and mercy He also promises justice. Hold onto humility and seek to do good. Just don't worry so much about keeping up with standards people set (outside of God's provision) for the life of the ideal Christian.

We're all pieces of work. No person that has ever lived has been able to live a sin-free life (other than Jesus, but we'll talk more about God in the flesh another time). Read the story of Jonah. It's only four short chapters. Trust that God is ministering to you as you minister to others. Even in the areas of your heart (and attitude) where you still need work.

Providential Packing

I hear things like "God helps those who help themselves" and wonder where this idea comes from. Sure, we're called to action and we know that faith without works is dead (James 2:20). However, the Bible repeatedly reminds us that we can't do things on our own. We always need God's help. Not only is He capable of doing all things, but He's also willing if we place our trust in Him.

I'm constantly reminded of the goodness of God's grace and the mercy He gives. 2020 has been a year of back-to-back bad news.  Despite that, I've been able to see glimpses of hope for the future and moments of encouragement and emotional rest. Right now, something big is happening in my home life and I'm being comforted every step of the way. Granted, this "big thing" is not to undermine the sufferings of my fellow citizens who have lost their jobs, their family members, and more during this year of constant crisis. I hope to bring light to the darkness. Maybe share some hope for others.

About four weeks ago, my landlord spoke the words I thought I would never hear him say. "Mo, I'm selling my properties." We've been in our condo for almost 5 years now. The idea was to build up some extra income during our time here so we could become homeowners. However, we were never able to build up even an emergency savings fund.

Photo by William Iven on Unsplash

All our income went toward living expenses, basic needs, and debts. My husband is receiving disability income, but at a fraction of what he was making when he was employed. I took on a second job around 2018, yet we still struggled.  Our area is expensive. Taxes are high. The cost of living is high. Even though our rent amount is lower than the rent is for our area, we've been struggling to get ahead.

Our landlord is a great man.  He is incredibly kind and understanding. It is because of the economic uncertainties of this year that drive him to sell his properties.  Let's face it, our economy is going down the toilet. With the problems of this election and all the lockdowns, I wonder if our near future will look like the depression era. So many have lost their jobs, their homes, their loved ones, you name it.  This year has had it all. If there are steps you can take to protect yourself and your family, I would say take them! I have no hard feelings at all regarding our landlord's decision.

But where would we go?! We don't have savings that we could use for a down payment or a deposit on a new place. Credit is shot and I recently filed for bankruptcy. There was no pressure to hurry up and move out, as my landlord said that he would wait until we find a place to put the condo on the market. This has eased things a little, but we would certainly not want to drag our feet.  The sooner he can sell, the better for him. And I will certainly keep praying that he sells very quickly and for the amount that would satisfy him.

Photo by Berenice Martinez on Unsplash

But where would we go?!  After getting the news from my landlord, I called one of my greatest friends to pour out the hurt and tears I was holding back. She did not hesitate to offer her guesthouse to us. I was taken aback! I was expecting biblical encouragement and prayers for peace and wisdom (which she still gave 😉). We had an option. Of course, we would take a look at other places, closer places, bigger places. But nothing would do, even if we could afford the monthly rent (see paragraph above). What's more interesting is that she and her husband just bought the property (they were previously renting it) a couple of months ago! You might not see it, but God is directing the lives of others so that they may be of help. Just don't think that everything that happens to others is about you... Hopefully, you can see how God has ordered your life events to provide for someone else in need. 

Lu and I agreed that this would be our best option (at a fraction of our current rent!). But when would we move?! Well...Lu has surgery that will greatly limit his mobility at the beginning of December. So, we should move before that, right? Yes...we will move about four weeks after the bad news, just a few days before the surgery. 😬

How do you pack up your whole place in less than a month? If you're like me, to do anything you need a list, a checklist, an outline, a diagram, some floor plans, calendar reminders, and lots of prayers. Not to mention all of these need to be color-coded and organized by category (the prayers, too). Or you could just give up and throw everything together... I promise that I'm seriously learning how to be somewhere in between. Thankfully, prayer and trust in God have given us peace. We are not stressing over every small detail (a BIG win in my book) and we can take things in stride. This also will produce fewer arguments and more kisses (actual results may vary).

Here we are now, just a few days before our move. We have most of our place packed up (and boxes are labeled). The trailer is reserved. Utilities will be set up by the move-in day. The only rooms left are the kitchen and bathroom. A few things are floating around here and there, but no biggie. We'll need to transfer pharmacies and update our address with our accounts.

Photo by Michal Balog on Unsplash

Trust me. We would not have been able to accomplish so much on our own strength. We would have broken down every step of the way. This has been a stressful time, but we have also been given peace about it. We're actually excited to see what God is doing in our lives. Surely, this isn't going to be a perfect situation, but everything has worked out so perfectly (without our intervention).

I was worried about boxes and moving papers (you know, those papers that wrap your glassware in), but we have just enough boxes and have had to get rid of much of the paper. Our moving papers overfloweth! The boxes and paper came from two households that have recently moved into the area (they didn't know their move was going to help our move, did they?). We also have good friends who are ready and able to help us move. Everything has been orchestrated before we even knew we were going to need anything!

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

I'm quite sure that if we weren't inclined to consider God or His goodness, we would likely have a harder time seeing His providence. Now, it's so obvious! I hope you can see it, too. I also hope that you would get better at seeing over time.

Have you ever been in an impossible situation where nothing you did could fix it? Looking back on that situation, can you see providence play out through historical events in your life or the lives of others around you?

Meal Replacement Nachos

Friday evening, hubby and I were hosting dinner with a friend. The week hasn't been good to us and we weren't really ready to make dinner. I know... we had plenty of time... but, like I said, the week was not kind to us. 

I was hoping to make something delicious, but checked all the boxes of a complete meal... so we'll call them "Meal Replacement Nachos" as nachos are usually a snack food (and "Ultimate Nachos" or "Loaded Nachos" have been taken). Most of the ingredients are from Aldi, the first place I go for groceries. 

I didn't measure in exact measurements... so, I'm sorry.... I don't usually measure when I cook, unless I'm following someone else's recipe. 

When I make this again, I hope to remember to take pictures and update this post. 

Meal Replacement Nacho Recipe

1 lb ground beef

1/2 - 1 can of black beans, drained

1/2 onion, diced

Taco seasoning, to taste (I make my own by combining chili powder, salt, pepper, garlic powder,  onion powder, Cumin)

2 medium tomatoes, diced 

12 oz bag shredded cheese of your choice (Use as much or little as you'd like. I used about 3/4 of Happy Farms trio)

1 large bag (13 oz) of tortilla chips

1/3 bag of fresh spinach, shredded (I grab a small handful, roll it, and "slice.")

The following are optional toppings:

Sour cream, Salsa, Jalapeños

1. Preheat oven to 350° F. You're going to bake these before serving. 

2. Brown the ground beef with your taco seasoning. Hubby suggests browning your meat, drain, then season. Add your onions and black beans and cook until the beans are warmed. If you want the onions to be softer, add them earlier or cook them separately. 

3. On a large sheet pan, spread the tortilla chips evenly. Sprinkle some of the cheese on top. 

4. Layer your ground beef mixture on top of the chips and cheese. Layer the spinach and tomatoes on top of the ground beef. Top off with the rest of the cheese. Add Jalapeños on top, if desired. 

5. Bake in your preheated oven until your cheese reaches desired melty-ness.

6. Serve immediately with sour cream and salsa, if preferred. 

When reheating (IF you have leftovers), use the oven to keep crispness. Microwave is okay, too but they'll be soft. 

Feel free to adjust to your heart's content. You can add or subtract ingredients... and please share your modifications! I love to see variations. 

The Little Details in the Big Picture

Years ago when I applied for a temp position in my current job, I was asked a question that many people may be asked in an interview. "Do you consider yourself a big picture person or do you focus on the small details?" I think most people would say one or the other, but my answer includes both.  I'm able to see how the small details add up to make up the bigger picture.  I have a tendency to look toward the future and can put steps together to get there.  I have to admit that I can get caught up in the little things and sometimes find myself focusing so much on a small detail that I hinder progress.  Other times, I get overwhelmed by the bigger picture and don't take any steps at all.

My answer was unique to my interviewers.  It helped to add points to an interview already going well (yep, I'm bragging!). Surprisingly, however, I hadn't really put a whole lot of thought into this and what it could mean until recently.

Last month, my husband and I got into an argument that I don't understand how it became as big as it did. We had some clothing to donate and since the thrift stores in the area are not taking donations, we decided to drop them off at a box near our local grocery store. I don't usually use these boxes as I am often unable to verify if the clothing really goes to charity.  Rain was in the forecast for the evening and these donation boxes were overflowing with bags.

I noticed that one bag was open and asked Lu to tie a knot to make sure the contents didn't get wet.  He got so frustrated, thinking I was asking too much as they would probably be soaked anyway.  If these articles are going to be given to others, why let them get ruined? That was my thinking. His thinking was that what was going to happen would happen, so oh well.  

Reluctantly, he knotted the bag and we pretty much argued all the way back home (all 3 minutes) and then some when we got in.  I couldn't understand how he could be so calloused while supposedly doing a good thing. He couldn't understand why I would fuss over such a small detail.  We couldn't come to an understanding. I figured we should just drop the whole conversation (not something easy for my sweet husband to do). He prefers to resolve things as quickly as possible.

Later the next day, he told me that he went back to take a look at the items that were left out. Interestingly, the contents in the bag that he closed up stayed dry.  I wasn't completely certain that they would be dry. I only knew that I didn't feel right not trying to do something to salvage what was meant for someone else to use.

Another example of trying my all before letting go would be moving to Florida to be nearer my children and have more time with them. That was a huge financial flop, nearly ending in homelessness. Thankfully, moving back to Maryland has brought many blessings (and spiritual growth) that continue to flow. Also, we learned that we moved away just in time. A huge storm flooded the neighborhood we lived in. We could have lost our home in either of two ways.

I know not everyone thinks in the same way that I do. Many people are either big-picture folks or detail-oriented. In a beautiful way, these two ways of thinking are complementary. They only work together if we all work together. Just because you can't fully understand someone's way of thinking doesn't mean that they're wrong. Sometimes ideas aren't right or wrong, just different.

I also know that you can't get anywhere without taking any steps. You shouldn't try to run if you can't even stand to walk. To get to the end result, you have to work your way there. You cannot paint a picture without small strokes of color.

Finally, I think I'm rambling now. I have found 52 different ways to say the same thing. Take the time for the details, but don't dwell on them for too long. Keep the bigger picture in mind to help remind you that they are important in the grand scheme, but don't get too wrapped up in the great size of the whole.

I Am Anxiously Awaiting To Give You My Confession

I have a confession to make...

I am a worrier.  There. I said it. Phew! I can rest easy now right?!

Photo by Ümit Bulut on Unsplash

I worry about so much. And I worry about worrying sometimes. I don't really put a whole lot of thought into my worry until it becomes full-blown anxiety.  I worry about finances. Food. Cleaning the house. My job. My kids. My husband. Our health. The need to lose weight. What we need and don't have. What we have and don't need. I could keep going for probably all of eternity. 

I have recently been reminded (because I have "learned" this already) that worry and anxiety (and even depression) usually arise from the need for control. *GASP!*  My husband is probably the only person who will tell you that I have control issues.  *GASP!* Most people see me as hardworking, organized, blah, blah, blah. He knows me pretty dang well.

While I'm not the most organized person ever, and can't say I'm the cleanest person ever, I spend so much time thinking about what will be and how I'm going to be prepared for it.  I lose so much now time, right here time, because I'm living years into the future. It's kinda like how people binge-buy toilet paper, milk, and bread while preparing to get through a disaster. It's not that everybody needs such large quantities of these things at the same time (large families do, though even when not disaster-prepping), but it's something they feel they can control. I think ahead, plan ahead, prep ahead. I can solve problems you didn't know you had. I've already packed a few extra things in my bag when I head out.

It's not wrong to think ahead and plan ahead. When it comes to emergency situations, it is advised to think of strange "what-if" scenarios so that you may be prepared to act accordingly. People who don't think about the "what-ifs" are less likely to respond appropriately in an emergency. This is why we have fire drills and talk to kids about how to be safe around strangers. If you don't think about it, you're not as likely to make the right choices.

So, how exactly do we keep worry in check?

Heh. That's the tricky part if you're a worry-wart like me.  I can't help but be convicted of my worry after reading Matthew 6.  The last 10 verses are all about worry. The birds don't go storing up food in barns (or their fridges) like we do, yet they don't go hungry. Flowers don't go shopping and they don't sew, yet they are clothed in beauty. You are so much more important to God than the birds and the flowers. Why are you so high-strung?! Yes, we need to earn money to be able to buy food and clothes. No, we don't need to stress over it. Yes, there are things we need to do to prepare for emergencies. No, we don't need to live in fear of what is not guaranteed to happen.

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash

Well, I'm sure this all sounds good from some lady in the virtual interwebs who's got her life together and can talk about stuff that doesn't matter anymore.

Ha!  I'm not just some lady in the interwebs. I'm THE lady still struggling daily. It will probably be one of the many few things I will be fighting in this life for the rest of my life.  And it's not like I don't have proof in my own life that I'm taken care of (outside of my own control). I've got countless examples of how I held the world on my shoulders only for the solutions to not come from my own hands. 

What's something you've stressed over, only for it to turn out to not be as bad as you thought? Or for it to be resolved without your help?

Will you try to trust that not everything is under your control? Can you let go (even just a little bit)? If you're struggling with this, I urge you to talk to a friend about it. You can't carry it by yourself (which is something us worriers tend to do). Find someone whom you can trust, who will love you as you are, and work to help you be better. Without judgment.

You can even write it into your calendar so that you'll actually follow through. *wink*

Charity Starts at Home

Have you ever heard of the phrase "charity starts at home"?  I have. It is often thought that this phrase means to mind your own family before you get into the affairs of others, but I have always taken it to mean something different.

Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash

To me, charity begins at home with me and my immediate family practicing how to love others outside of ourselves. Children should be learning how to respect adults and each other, what it means to give space, how to serve, etc. Adults should be refining these things as well as building patience. We know that sometimes family can be hard to deal with. So many personalities occupying the same space together will most certainly collide. However, being able to learn to live together will shape a person's ability to get along with others who have varying belief systems and rules.

Don't just take my word for it! Think about your home life growing up. What have you learned and practiced that you've been able to take with you out into the world in your adulthood? This applies to negative habits and traits as well. As around, your friends and family will also have input.  We know scientifically that we are products of both genetics and our environment (the old nature versus nurture!).

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

I'm not saying that your family life has to be perfect. No arguing. No disagreements. Certainly not! Learning how to deal with differences and conflicts is what matters. Being humble, learning when to back down and when to stand up, and having a willingness to compromise are necessary skills in life. You can't change what you were born with, but you can make changes to the environment around you and you can be a positive influence on others (please be positive toward others!!!).

Springtime Shenanigans

This is my favorite time of the year, weather-wise. I know...I've stated before that summer is my favorite time of the year, but I realize I don't like extremes (maybe it's old age trying to creep in). Fall is great and all, but I love the spring more (minus the windy and rainy parts). Don't even talk to me about winter... This is the time of the year when things start budding. You can see fresh, new life beginning. AAAAND you can wear t-shirts outside; no mummification *ahem* coat required.

Photo by Aniket Bhattacharya on Unsplash

I love to see the sun shining and the greenery.  In fact, every year I think about my container garden.  You know, the one that doesn't exist because I didn't plan for it early enough or gave up because things are costly.  I'm a low-budget kinda person and many things I want to do require a bit more than I'm willing/able to spend.  Thankfully, I continue to dream and think of ways to achieve my wishes without breaking the bank. This year, I'm going to do it! I will be scouting cost-efficient containers for my delicious "guests."  I plan to come up with a list of potential fruits, veggies, and herbs that would be easy to care for and affordable. What kinds of seeds I will purchase will depend on the types of containers I end up with. I realize I should have started this in the winter...but we'll see how this goes! I hope to put to use the book I received from a dear friend, Esther.  "The Vegetable Gardener's Container Bible" has lots of great info on starting and maintaining your own container garden. You can check it out and other books like it here. (Don't worry, I'm not receiving any monetary benefit from you clicking the link.)

Another project I've decided to throw out there (to my husband's dismay...because I have so many great ideas, he can't pick the best one...yeah, that's it...) is that I want to update our bedroom.  We received a very nice queen bedroom set from my husband's parents in 2016. I believe it will continue to last many years with care, but it isn't our taste.  That issue has a lot more to do with the color of it, than the style. We both prefer lighter woods and are not so keen on cherry. Don't get me wrong, cherry is a beautiful hardwood, but we would like to brighten up our home. Furniture is expensive and I feel a bit remorseful wanting to get rid of something that was given to us by family, so this isn't something that I'm rushing into. I've thought about painting the furniture, but I'm giving more thought into vinyl wrap (as it's not permanent and there are no gaseous fumes). I love to do hands-on projects and this would be fun and rewarding. Going with a vinyl wrap would also mean I don't have to take everything apart and move pieces outside. Well, there is a bit of research that I need to do.

The most important item on this list of things-to-do is decluttering the house. This has been a big issue as I tend to hang onto things and not necessarily find homes for them or I tend to not place things back where they belong (the worst!).  This has been an ongoing struggle for me since I moved out of my parent's house. It was so much easier to just maintain my room!

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

To get going with this mountain of a task, I started creating lists for every room of the house. I want to keep track of things that we need, things we want, and what exactly needs to happen in each space. Getting organized really isn't so hard for me to do. I'm really great at coming up with plans and lists. It's just that I struggle with maintaining and finishing jobs started. I guess we can talk more about this in another post because there is something deeper involved with this kind of struggle.  However, I feel more able to get started when I've written down ideas and browsed the internet for inspiration.

Welp, my rambling is done for now!  I'm excited to think of new things to get into this season. I'm looking forward to getting my hands dirty and learning more along the way!



Are there any things that you look forward to when spring comes? Maybe not if you have seasonal allergies that begin to show up around now. Do you have any advice or other ideas that I should consider?

Name Change

Happy New Year!

This blog's name has changed. It's gone from "Publicly Assisted" to "Grace. Lavished."  There is no relation to the new year or resolutions.  I wanted to change the name for a while (but struggled).  "Publicly Assisted" was previously chosen because of the stigma that comes with assistance and welfare.  You are fooling yourself if you truly believe that any of the successes you have in life are gained solely from the fruits of your labor. You didn't birth yourself. Nor did you teach yourself to speak. You may have put the hard work in to earn so much of what you have, but there are other factors that contribute to your success. Sure, you worked hard on your resume and aced the job interview but it's up to the employer whether or not to hire you. Things happen the way they're meant to, not always how you want them to.

Then comes grace.  I try to remind my children of what grace and mercy are and how we are to give them freely to others. Mercy is when something you deserve is withheld. Being pardoned of wrongdoing instead of punished. Forgiven.  Grace is much like it. Grace is receiving something you didn't deserve. God lavishes us with grace. He continues to do so before we even think to acknowledge his existence.

This goes beyond assistance.  This is life. Abundantly. Something you can't earn. Something you'll never be worthy of, yet he just keeps on giving.

It is scientifically proven that having a heart of gratitude yields a positive outlook on life and a truly happy lifetime. Realizing your shortcomings and maximizing your thankfulness creates a more kind and less selfish you. You'll realize that you have so much, instead of being greedy and jealous of others.  Open your eyes to the grace being poured out on you all day every day.

Life is not fair.  If it were, we wouldn't be allowed to have it at all.

Poverty in the United States

I had the pleasure of watching Queen of Katwe on Netflix recently.  It was an excellent movie.  It also made me think about poverty around the world.

In Queen of Katwe, you get a glimpse of life in a Ugandan ghetto.  I can't believe that residents have to pay rent for some of the so-called homes they lived in.  One room, dirt floors, and no proper windows and doors.  Not to mention the hot temperatures of Africa.

Poverty in the US looks a lot different than poverty in other countries.  Our poor can still get a free education, might have cars (or at least access to transportation), and can still have access to clean water and fresh food.  We have programs that will help people to get back on their feet and special housing assistance to cut down on homelessness.  I can't say that we don't have people in this country who live in unsanitary conditions.  I can't even say that we don't have people who are without food and clean water.  I am saying that poverty just isn't the same here.

Another thing that I have noticed was that women the movie who had extra money were more likely to have their hair done (be it braids, straightened, wigs, etc) and those who did not have the money typically wore their natural hair very short.  While a woman's hair in the US does not necessarily indicate wealth or social status, any and all styles may be achieved even if you have a small income.  Hair products are readily available for a variety of budgets and some products are considered personal necessities.

Nice clothing is another item that can be achieved here with little money.  Thrift shops, consignment stores, Freecycle, or clearance racks at big box stores offer so many options.  I personally rarely buy clothing from big box stores.  Most of my wardrobe was handed down or purchased from thrift stores.  For some who struggle to even shop in a thrift store, there are charities available that help to provide clothing.  There is no excuse for not having clothes here, while in other parts of the world some families go without clothing or even shoes.

I have to say that we really should consider the blessing it is to be in the United States.  We have access to so much.  It is even to the point where even the poor here can give to charity to help others around the world.  When your children grow out of their shoes and clothing, they can be donated.  Toys can be donated. If it's time to get a new pair of glasses and you still have the old frame, they can be donated. Certain household items may not go around the world, but they can also make an impact in the life of someone here in the States.  Bibles can also be purchased very cheap and shared (even dollar stores have Bibles for purchase).

There really is an abundance of resources here.  While I do not believe that everyone is meant to have the same things (not the same amount of money or lifestyle or opportunities), I do believe that we should all be content where we are (a future post will expand on this) and be willing to give regardless of financial status.

The Mother Of Days

I have a certain discontent feeling about the Mother's Day. I don't believe I'm the only one. I'm sure women who have miscarried or who are unable to bear children or those who have lost their children through nightmarish means understand (to varying degrees) this feeling.

I don't get to raise my children. I don't get to hug them daily or tell them good morning daily. I get to watch them grow from afar as if they never belonged to me, but I still get the privilege to partake somewhat in their beautiful little amazing lives.

Even if things were different, Mother's Day wouldn't be a time for me to gloat in my fertility. No. I would still not get so excited about it as I'm more thankful for the blessings my children are to me, rather than my so-called right to be a mother. I do love to remind my mom that I'm glad she gave birth to me, though!

To the "Happy Mother's Day!" I respond with a "thank you," but I say in my heart "for what?" I gave birth. Yeah. But the real happiness comes from seeing what God has in store for my babies in the future.

I don't have the joy and pains of fully raising my kiddos, but I can't forget God's grace for their lives.

To those mothers who cannot bear or have lost their babies, I mourn with you and I pray for you. I also pray for mothers who have theirs. Some of us have been raised without a mother. We all need prayer. We also need to be reminded that all things happen according to God's perfect plan. Even the hurt and wrongdoings of others help to grow us.

I'm truly thankful that God is my all. He truly knows how I feel. Only He can turn my sorrow into praise. I hope that He will do the same for you.

Do Dump Trucks Come in New???

I know a lot of things about dump trucks. You never want to be behind one, as they are ever so slow to get up to speed. They have like 60 gears and a switch for even more shifting action.  They haul a whole lot of stuff.  They're often found hanging around construction sites.  They're always very dirty and usually pretty dinged up.

Something that I've realized is that...I don't think I've ever seen a brand spanking new dump truck!  Do they even exist? Or maybe when you go to pick one out, you sign the paperwork and receive your key...BAM! it ages about 15 years as you pull out of the lot?!  I'm sure there is a "brand spanking new" dump truck salesman reading this and contemplating ways to hush me up, now that I think I may have figured out the secret.

Life is a lot like this, though.  How often do I sit back and realize that I missed something along the way and I can't figure out how I got here.  What happened?  Should I have seen this coming?  I've been doing a lot of contemplating lately.  We're in a tough spot right now.  I would love to have a dump truck right now that could just haul away the junk in our lives (and by "junk" I mean all the things that are making me sad right now) to a far, far away place.  Someplace where it will be blown up or buried (maybe blown up then buried?), never to be seen again.  Replaced with something new and useful. Something that I can feel better about.

I know that my heart is an idol factory, just like everyone else's (ya feel me, or nah? Actually, we could discuss that one later....).  I want to be able to rest in something tangible.  I like knowing that bills will be paid because we have enough money to pay them.  I don't like not knowing if rent next month will even get paid.  I like knowing that our jobs are secure and we can count on them.  I don't like wondering "how long will this last?".

I know what I should be doing...and I feel like it should be easy.  How can I put my trust in God, when I could be homeless, jobless, foodless, clothless, etc-less?  What does it mean to "be still"?

God brings each of us to this point (of course "this point" is different for each of us) in order to bring us closer to Him.  When we are at the point where we can no longer do for ourselves, we should be looking to Him.  Of course, that doesn't always happen (not for everyone and not usually right away)...we start working harder, take on 15 more jobs, go to other people or things for comfort and reassurance, but ultimately when you're broken, that's when you're supposed to remember that God is the one who has everything under control.  Not you.  Not ever you.

Proverbs 19:21 - [There are] many devices in a man's heart; nevertheless the counsel of the LORD, that shall stand.

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Joshua 1:9 - Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God [is] with thee whithersoever thou goest.

I don't know if I could be righteous like Job was in his sufferings (and I think he suffered way more in his life than I probably will), but I'm so thankful to be reminded that I don't have to be down in the dumps (ba dump cha!) because my God is God and He's all-powerful.  My mountains are just dinky little situations to Him. They are but a few grains of sand in His universe-sized dump truck (did I take the analogy too far?).

I must though, I can't wait to see where all this is going!  Whoo-wee!  I'm looking forward to eternity.

Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.
Matthew 19:26 - But Jesus beheld [them], and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.

A New Beginning

I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not always that great with coming up with titles for these blog posts.  Sometimes, I have such a brilliant idea, that I can't wait to crank out that corresponding chunk of my present life.  Usually, I struggle to find a meaningful short description.  This one is one of the usuals...

After two months of being abandoned  lovingly left behind by my new husband as he journeyed to the state from whence we came, my knight is returning.  After the week in the hospital (back in early August) and being unable to work for that time, my Lu decided that he should return to Maryland for a few months to earn money so that we could get caught up and perhaps ahead on our bills.  The decision was not easy, nor was it hastily made.

It was thrown out there by his previous boss that Lu could always go back to work up there.  He would make much more money for less hours than in this Sunshine State.  So, Sunday, August 16, he begrudgingly made his way back up north. After a few weeks, we caught up and eventually, I got my first paycheck from my new job.  Expecting his DOT card to expire at the end of this month, he figured he would be able to come back the first week of November.  Well...that dang ol' thing expired much sooner than he thought, so he's been sentenced to light service for the past couple of weeks instead of the glamorous duties of a tow truck driver.  We had gotten caught up...now we are again barely making it (as I don't make enough...and won't make enough...to cover everything).

Add to that me having to pay child support to my ex-husband...we need to have a couple of miniature meltdowns these days.  The good news is that while this is going to get rather uncomfortable real soon, we know this isn't the end.  This isn't going to be our life forever.  This is just a rough patch.

As I type, Lu is on the road returning back to me.  Once he gets here, I'm going to give him lots of kisses...then let him sleep.  He will get back to applying for jobs and maybe start working with a temp agency until he gets going in a full-time job.  I hope that he can work with the school buses like me, but we will have to see what our Mighty God has in store for Lu's career.

I feel like we are starting over.  Like this is a new beginning.  A fresh, new life.  There is so much that I hope for as I anticipate my partner in crime's return.  The kiddos will be so excited to see him again.  Now someone else can wash those dishes for a change...I mean...now we can go back to being a family. ^_^